IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

task 2 A government has a responsibility to its citizens to ensure their safety. Therefore, some people think that the government should increase spending on defense but spend less on social benefits. To what extent do you agree?

#government #responsibility #citizens #safety #people #defense
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Now adays
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Nowadays
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 there is a rise in political tension across the globe and multiple countries are involved in open war. Some citizens argue that their country should invest more in their national defence lines like army and
marines
Fix the agreement mistake
marine
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 forces over social and other infrastructures. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will go over
this
 point of view and give my opinion. A country has duets towards its citizens,
one
 of those duets is protection and providing
security
 which comes in different ways and forms.
For example
, to provide food
security
,
Finacial
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Financial
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security
, health
security
 and
last
 but not least national
security
. National
security
 and protecting the country's borders is
one
 of the top priorities for a thriving nation. In most countries, the governmental expenditure on
army
Correct article usage
the army
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 and national
security
 is ranked as
top
Correct article usage
the top
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one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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expense.
While
,
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apply
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 protecting a nation's interests and ensuring its safety is important, there other internal components which need
maintenace
Correct your spelling
maintenance
 and development. Having clean water, sufficient food, health care, high employment rates and infrastructure are equally important for all nations. Not providing all those necessities, might lead to high discrepancy in social structure and classes which in turn can cause internal tension and
further
 division. In conclusion,
security
 has been always a top priority for countries all over the world. Yet, a government should not overlook other national needs which are more important to an average person on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis. National expenditure changes depending on current events and national needs and it should not be fixed in
one
 direction.
Submitted by ghadeersulami on

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relevant examples
To enhance task achievement, provide more specific examples related to both defense spending and social benefits. Examples and analogies can strengthen arguments and make them more tangible for the reader.
logical structure
The logical structure is good, but you could enhance coherence by refining transitions between paragraphs to ensure that the flow between ideas is seamless. Try to use more linking words or phrases.
balanced viewpoint
The essay presents a balanced view by considering both the importance of national defense and the necessity of social benefits.
clear intro conclusion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, making it easy for the reader to follow the main arguments and conclusions of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • national security
  • sovereignty
  • foreign entities
  • military sector
  • economic growth
  • inequality
  • vulnerable populations
  • elderly
  • disabled
  • unemployed
  • social stability
  • public health
  • balanced approach
  • appropriate funding
  • nation’s needs
  • priorities
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