IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that the best way to increase road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars and riding motorbikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree? (Write 250 words.)

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In the contemporary world, it has been a controversial topic that numerous citizens believe that protecting security in the traffic systems relies on new criteria, especially escalating the minimum legal age for driving vehicles and riding motorcycles. After thorough consideration, I strongly believe that it is likely to have several sorts of security systems in order to protect individuals from emergency circumstances,
such
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 as harmful accidents on the
road
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. My opinion will be thoroughly examined in the following essay. It is undeniable that some governments all over the global scale provide significance
of
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to
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 the escalating ages of drivers who tend to rigorously comply with the traffic criteria and can concentrate on their own emotions related to driving vehicles carefully.
For instance
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, the parliaments of Thailand establish legal benchmarks associated with accurately driving
according to
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 the traffic legit, approximately 18 to 20 years old can have a legal role on the highway
road
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.
On the other hand
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, our world has improved all the time, particularly advanced technologies or artificial intelligence or AI to protect passengers and carmen from harmful situations,
such
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 as criminals,
car
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 crime, robbers, and
car
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 accidents on the
road
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 in distinct cities.
To begin
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 with, engineering education related to manufacturing modern cars by adding new machines or automatic systems to avoid huge accidents on
the
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apply
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highway
Fix the agreement mistake
highways
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road
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 and the rural areas, involving alarm censors enhancing in order to obstacle
car
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 robbers swiftly.
Moreover
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, the educational institution and parental association should advise and refer to excellent information accurately driving on the
road
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, and adolescents or juveniles should be accurately
practiced
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practised
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 by their parents and
car
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 coachers. To recapitulate, numerous citizens may debate in
favor
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favour
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 of escalating the minimum legal age for driving vehicles and riding motorcycles that offer security better than other forms.
Nevertheless
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, I confidently believe that several kinds of modern technologies and one-on-one tutoring provide many benefits in my own view.

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coherence cohesion
Improve the clarity of ideas by using simpler sentence structures. Some sentences are complex and difficult to follow, which can obscure your main points.
task achievement
Develop more precise examples to support your arguments. For instance, instead of generally mentioning 'AI', specify how AI technology is used currently to enhance vehicle safety.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to align your conclusion more closely with the arguments presented in the essay. Consider summarizing main points more succinctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, setting the stage for your arguments and summarizing your viewpoint.
task achievement
There is a good attempt to explore both viewpoints on the topic, which shows your effort at a balanced discussion.
task achievement
Introduction highlights a broad view of traffic safety, setting a strong context for the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • minimum legal age
  • increase road safety
  • maturity
  • rash decision-making
  • cognitive functions
  • risky behavior
  • traffic congestion
  • urban areas
  • core issues
  • proper training
  • adherence to traffic rules
  • road conditions
  • vehicle maintenance
  • stricter driving tests
  • enhancing road safety
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