Tourism is one of the fastest growing industries and contributes a great deal to economics around the world.However, the damage tourism can cause to local cultures and environment is often ignored. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Many individuals claim that
although
the tourist industry is one of the most burgeoning fields and brings positive
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
consequences, its negative influences on indigenous
cultures
and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
are minimally evaluated. In
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I totally advocate
this
view.  The first reason why I believe
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
effects on local
cultures
by
tourism
are disregarded is that a number of traditions across the world are becoming more commercialized.
For instance
, rituals to pray
gods
Change preposition
to gods
show examples
, which used to be isolated to foreigners and held seasonally, are taking place every day to attract tourists
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
various parts of the world. Regarding performers of ceremonies, they are hired and involved as a part of show business.
This
phenomenon causes
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
impair the
understandings
Fix the agreement mistake
understanding
show examples
of ceremonies and their own
cultures
.  Another justification for my view is that
tourism
is inclined to be prioritised over its drawbacks to the environment. Taking Bali, a
beuatiful
Correct your spelling
beautiful
island in Indonesia, as an example, many hotels and restaurants are constructed on the seafront to accommodate visitors.
Although
they have attained great
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
success by doing so, they are
also
facing severe air and water
pollutions
Fix the agreement mistake
pollution
show examples
. Despite these looming threats, the authorities still hesitate to take stringent precautions
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
fear of losing business opportunities.  In conclusion, I vehemently agree with the opinion that
while
tourism
is beneficial economically, it is
also
disadvantageous in terms of preserving local
cultures
and nature and concerns over them are seldom considered. Now that
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
show examples
aspects of
tourism
are well recognised, sustainable exploitation from cultural and environmental points of view should be incorporated.
Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on

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task achievement
Expand the introduction to provide a clearer outline of your main arguments, giving the reader a better sense of direction from the beginning.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the coherence by ensuring smoother transitions between ideas and consistently linking back to the main question throughout the essay.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the topic well, try to integrate more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to enhance clarity and depth of ideas.
task achievement
You provided relevant and specific examples like Bali and rituals turned into show business, which effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay consistently maintained a focus on the question of tourism's impact despite discussing different aspects.
coherence cohesion
The essay presented a clear conclusion, summarizing the main points and suggesting a solution.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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