IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 1.5

Nowadays, computers are used in almost every field. However, some parents do not allow their children to use computers. Why is this? How can we change it?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
These days one of the most important things is
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
 and we can
use
Use synonyms
 it everywhere.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, almost half of parents do not want their
children
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
computers
Use synonyms
. First of all, they think that it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health. Especially it can be dangerous for kids eyes.
Linking Words
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 when
children
Use synonyms
 sit
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 they can not aware of how time goes and they spend a lot of time with it.
According to
Linking Words
 research
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Stanford University
computers
Use synonyms
are declined
Wrong verb form
have a declining
show examples
 rate of learning.
However
Linking Words
, there are plenty of advantages of
computers
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
computers
Use synonyms
 provide
children
Use synonyms
 to access to useful information and online resources
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
topics
Add an article
the topics
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
, they can
use
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 device for their lessons as well. In a
nutshell
Add a comma
nutshell,
show examples
 I think every
Use synonyms
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 should
use
Use synonyms
computers
Use synonyms
 and
use
Use synonyms
 it properly

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

development
Develop the points further by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how computer usage can be beneficial or harmful.
organization
Organize the essay better by using clear paragraphing for each distinct idea.
introduction
You provided a clear introduction stating the main issue of discussion, which sets the stage for the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion ties back to the main argument, indicating your stance on the issue.
content
You've identified two different perspectives of the issue, showing some depth in consideration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: