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Band 1.5

Nowadays, computers are used in almost every field. However, some parents do not allow their children to use computers. Why is this? How can we change it?

#computers #field #parents #children #change
These days one of the most important things is
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
show examples
 and we can
use
 it everywhere.
Nevertheless
, almost half of parents do not want their
children
use
Add the particle
to use
show examples
computers
. First of all, they think that it is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
 health. Especially it can be dangerous for kids eyes.
Secondly
Add a comma
Secondly,
show examples
 when
children
 sit
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
computer
Add an article
the computer
a computer
show examples
 they can not aware of how time goes and they spend a lot of time with it.
According to
 research
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 Stanford University
computers
are declined
Wrong verb form
have a declining
show examples
 rate of learning.
However
, there are plenty of advantages of
computers
.
For instance
,
computers
 provide
children
 to access to useful information and online resources
all
Change preposition
on all
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
topics
Add an article
the topics
show examples
.
In addition
, they can
use
this
 device for their lessons as well. In a
nutshell
Add a comma
nutshell,
show examples
 I think every
children
Change to a singular noun
child
show examples
 should
use
computers
 and
use
 it properly
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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development
Develop the points further by providing more specific examples and elaborating on how computer usage can be beneficial or harmful.
organization
Organize the essay better by using clear paragraphing for each distinct idea.
introduction
You provided a clear introduction stating the main issue of discussion, which sets the stage for the essay.
conclusion
The conclusion ties back to the main argument, indicating your stance on the issue.
content
You've identified two different perspectives of the issue, showing some depth in consideration.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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