IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems from the internet and do not want to visit a doctor. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

#people #advice #internet #visit #doctor #development
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Nowadays, 90% of the
world
Change noun form
world's
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 population
rely
Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
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 on the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 to research
on
Change preposition
apply
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their medical needs.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of the people self-medicate
instead
 of visiting a physician to check on them and to get proper medication. Most of these people will argue that
this
 is a faster and cheaper way to address their health concerns.
However
,
this
 way of addressing medical concerns has more negative impacts than positive. The
internet
 made it possible for people to research
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a lot of things making it a modern encyclopedia. In the US, 2 out of 10 adults rely on the
internet
 to search for medication that they need to take whenever they are not feeling well,
instead
 of going to clinics where they can be properly diagnosed. Their reasons: it saves time and it is cheaper.
While
 it is true that the
internet
 can help a person in solving their health problems,
this
 can pose more harm than good. Jessica Santos, a
41-year old
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41-year-old
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 teacher, self-medicated when she felt a severe pain in her stomach. She concluded, based on what she saw
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
internet
, that the pain she was
sufering
Correct your spelling
suffering
 from was only related to hyperacidity.
Hence
, she only took antacids. Later on, it was found that she
has
Wrong verb form
had
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an
Correct article usage
apply
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early stage
Add a hyphen
early-stage
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 colon cancer. In conclusion, there is no harm in using the
internet
 as a guide to answer a person's health-related questions. The
internet
 is a tool that anyone can use, but it has its limits. In terms of a person's medical needs, the best way to solve any problems is still the traditional visit to a physician.
Submitted by jing_zabala on

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coherence-cohesion
While the essay's logical structure is quite clear, try ensuring that each paragraph flows into the next one with smoother transitions. Linking words or phrases can help guide the reader more effectively between ideas.
task-achievement
Some parts of the essay could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration. For instance, explaining why people find online information more appealing or why they distrust doctors could enhance the depth of the argument.
task-achievement
The essay directly addresses the task, discussing both the reasons for the trend and its negative implications, as required.
coherence-cohesion
Your introduction sets up the topic well, providing a clear focus for the essay and summarizing the main argument effectively.
coherence-cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, reinforcing the main point that visiting a physician is advisable for medical issues.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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