Some people today prefer to get advice for medical problems from the internet and do not want to visit a doctor. Why is this? Is this a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, 90% of the
world
population Change noun form
world's
rely
on the Correct subject-verb agreement
relies
internet
to research Capitalize word
Internet
on
their medical needs. Change preposition
apply
Majority
of the people self-medicate Correct article usage
The majority
instead
of visiting a physician to check on them and to get proper medication. Most of these people will argue that this
is a faster and cheaper way to address their health concerns. However
, this
way of addressing medical concerns has more negative impacts than positive.
The internet
made it possible for people to research on
a lot of things making it a modern encyclopedia. In the US, 2 out of 10 adults rely on the Change preposition
apply
internet
to search for medication that they need to take whenever they are not feeling well, instead
of going to clinics where they can be properly diagnosed. Their reasons: it saves time and it is cheaper.
While
it is true that the internet
can help a person in solving their health problems, this
can pose more harm than good. Jessica Santos, a 41-year old
teacher, self-medicated when she felt a severe pain in her stomach. She concluded, based on what she saw Add a hyphen
41-year-old
in
the Change preposition
on
internet
, that the pain she was sufering
from was only related to hyperacidity. Correct your spelling
suffering
Hence
, she only took antacids. Later on, it was found that she has
Wrong verb form
had
an
Correct article usage
apply
early stage
colon cancer.
In conclusion, there is no harm in using the Add a hyphen
early-stage
internet
as a guide to answer a person's health-related questions. The internet
is a tool that anyone can use, but it has its limits. In terms of a person's medical needs, the best way to solve any problems is still the traditional visit to a physician.Submitted by jing_zabala on
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coherence-cohesion
While the essay's logical structure is quite clear, try ensuring that each paragraph flows into the next one with smoother transitions. Linking words or phrases can help guide the reader more effectively between ideas.
task-achievement
Some parts of the essay could benefit from more specific examples or elaboration. For instance, explaining why people find online information more appealing or why they distrust doctors could enhance the depth of the argument.
task-achievement
The essay directly addresses the task, discussing both the reasons for the trend and its negative implications, as required.
coherence-cohesion
Your introduction sets up the topic well, providing a clear focus for the essay and summarizing the main argument effectively.
coherence-cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the argument, reinforcing the main point that visiting a physician is advisable for medical issues.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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