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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.

The graph below shows the rate of smoking per 1000 people in Someland from 1960 to 2000. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information in the graph below.
#rate #people #someland #report #university #lecturer #information
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The line graph illustrates the
rate
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
per 1000 smoking in Someland from 1960
t0
Correct your spelling
to
 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
, we can see the
rate
Use synonyms
 in 1960 for each
Use synonyms
men
Change to a singular noun
man
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
 is
deffirent
Correct your spelling
different
 in
Correct article usage
the begining
show examples
begining
Correct your spelling
beginning
, and the
rate
Use synonyms
Add a missing verb
has change
show examples
change
Replace the word
changed
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 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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recent years.
However
Linking Words
, the
pere
Correct your spelling
per
show examples
 cent of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 in 1960 was highest than
a
Correct determiner usage
that
show examples
Use synonyms
women
Change preposition
of women
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, since the number smoking
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
reach
Wrong verb form
reached
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 600, unlike
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
, in 1960 there
are
Wrong verb form
were
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 no
women
Use synonyms
 smoking, but the
rate
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 of
women
Use synonyms
change
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 in 1965, as the number increased until 1975 the
rate
Use synonyms
remain
Change the verb form
remains
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 steady and
then
Linking Words
deceased
Correct your spelling
decreased
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 to 200 in 2000,
Whereas
Linking Words
 the
rate
Use synonyms
 of the
men
Use synonyms
 who smoking decreased gradually to above 220 in 2000. In conclusion, the rates of smoking in Someland
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
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both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 (
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
Use synonyms
 ),
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 in 1960 with a huge
diffrence
Correct your spelling
difference
 between them, and
then
Linking Words
 in 1975 the
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
rates
show examples
rate
Use synonyms
 for both downward trend in 2000 to 200.
Submitted by atheer on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words rate, men, women with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "change" was used 2 times.
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