IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Advantages and disadvantages of mobile phones in our daily lives

Today is
modern
Add an article
the modern
show examples
 age of science. So
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 is
blessing
Add an article
the blessing
a blessing
show examples
 of modern science and day by day it has
more
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
thrived. Using a mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 has many disadvantages, but we know it has
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
show examples
 of
benefit
Change to a plural noun
benefits
show examples
. There are several types of benefits
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
including with t. One advantage is that
mobile
Correct article usage
a mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 is a good
time
Use synonyms
saverdevice
Correct your spelling
saver device
 for online shopping. By using the mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 we can save
our
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
valuable
time
Use synonyms
.
Second
Change the article
The second
show examples
 advantage is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 and online
meeting
Fix the agreement mistake
meetings
show examples
. Almost everywhere students
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 using mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 for online
class
Fix the agreement mistake
classes
show examples
 and many employees use
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
fon
Correct your spelling
for
show examples
 attending meetings.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 and they can finish their
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 work.
Linking Words
Last
Correct article usage
The last
show examples
 advantage is that using
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 many people can book their flight
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
, train
ticket
Fix the agreement mistake
tickets
show examples
 and so on. On the other side, there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 using The mobile
phone
Use synonyms
.
First
Change the article
The first
show examples
 disadvantage is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 the mobile
Use synonyms
Phone
Fix capitalization
phone
show examples
 is a risky device for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. Because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many
children
Use synonyms
 depend on mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
play games most of the
time
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, may affect their eyes. In addition, using
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
 can affect students' studies. By using
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 mobile
phone
Use synonyms
,
children
Use synonyms
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 can
damage
Wrong verb form
be damaged
show examples
.
And today's
Correct word choice
Today's
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 do not want to eat without mobile
Use synonyms
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 and
as a result
Linking Words
, they
became
Wrong verb form
have become
show examples
 dependent on mobile phones.
Second
Correct article usage
The second
show examples
disadvantage's
Change the noun form
disadvantages
disadvantage
show examples
 is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 has many bad apps which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
Add an article
a danger
the danger
show examples
danger
Replace the word
dangerous
show examples
 for every person
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
children
Use synonyms
. In conclusion,
mobile
Add an article
the mobile
show examples
phone
Use synonyms
 has
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 disadvantages I strongly believe that has many advantages and it is
really
Add an article
a really
show examples
 important device in our daily life.

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task achievement
To improve task response, try to develop a more comprehensive discussion that equally covers both advantages and disadvantages, offering more detailed examples for each point.
coherence and cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, ensure each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a logical flow of ideas. Consider organizing the essay more clearly, such as discussing all advantages in one paragraph and all disadvantages in another.
introduction/conclusion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion and summarize the key points.
task response
There is a good effort to identify both advantages and disadvantages, suggesting a balanced approach to the topic.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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