IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.

The chart below shows the number of adults participating in different major sports in one area, in 1997 and 2017. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. Write at least 150 words.
#adults #sports #area #summarise #information #features #comparisons
The bar graph illustrates the number of individuals participating in six different
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 in 1997 and 2017. The unit is measured in thousands.
Overall
, it is
evidant
Correct your spelling
evident
 that the majority of students prefer to play tennis,
whereas
, basketball
was
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 the least preferred sport.
To begin
 with, more than 50
thousand
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
adults participated in Tennis in both given years, meanwhile, Football and Rugby were the second favoured
game
Fix the agreement mistake
games
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, the slightly less
50
Change preposition
than 50
show examples
thousand
were participated
Wrong verb form
participating
show examples
 in 1997, and, more than 30
thousand
 in 2017. Meanwhile, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of swimming same number of
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
participate
Wrong verb form
participated
show examples
 in both given years around 35
thousand
.
Furthermore
, In Basketball and
cricket
Add a comma
cricket,
show examples
 a very small of individuals participated. In 1997,
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
less than 10
thousand
 played Basketball, and
almost
Add an article
the almost
show examples
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 number of adults participated in cricket in 2017,
whereas
, 25
thousand
 played cricket in 1997.
However
, in
case
Correct article usage
the case
show examples
 of golf around 30
thousand
Correct your spelling
30,000
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
participated in
given
Correct article usage
a given
show examples
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
.
Submitted by merujain2221 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "whereas".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words thousand with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • participation rate
  • increase/decrease in numbers
  • trend
  • decade
  • relatively stable
  • major sports
  • potential reasons
  • contributing factors
  • public interest
  • comparison
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