Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to counsume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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In the current world, food and drink
products
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that contain high levels of sugar have become increasingly common.
As a result
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, many people, who eat in big amounts, can develop
health
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problems.
According to
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this
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, it is agreed that sugary
products
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should be more expensive,
therefore
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individuals will avoid buying them. In
this
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essay,
this
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issue will be discussed and I will present my way of seeing
this
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problem.
Firstly
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, it is widely known the terrible consequences of excessive sugar consumption. Diabetes, obesity and tooth decay, to name just a few, are the most common
health
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problems linked to sugary foods.
For instance
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, scientific studies have shown that children under two years old, who are exposed to chocolate, cakes and candies have more chance to develop chronic diseases later in life.
For
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this
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reason, increasing the cost of these
products
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could avoid these serious consequences. Ideally, it
also
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will encourage parents to prioritize their
health
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to inspire their sons.
Furthermore
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, associated with
this
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view, healthy meals should have affordable prices to improve access to them. The main advantage of these decisions is a healthier population, reducing the spending on healthcare systems.
For example
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, Mexico implemented a national tax on sugary drinks in 2014, and it has been associated with a decrease in consumption. Happily,
this
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thought is already true in some countries and is noticed a better lifestyle. In summary,
although
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there are disagreeing opinions on increasing the price of sugary
products
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, the benefits surpass the drawbacks. In my perspective, a society which is concerned about their food is
also
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worried about their
health
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and the result is their own well-being.

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coherence and cohesion
Clarify the introduction by more explicitly stating the thesis and the main points that will be discussed in the essay.
task achievement
Ensure that every main point is developed and justified thoroughly. Some arguments could be expanded further to enhance clarity.
coherence and cohesion
You could enhance your essay by linking ideas with more varied cohesive devices for better flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic well and presents a clear opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Relevant examples, such as the case of Mexico, are effectively used to support the argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • escalating health crises
  • deterrent
  • revenue
  • funnel
  • healthcare system
  • socio-economic implications
  • disproportionately
  • unaffordability
  • holistic approach
  • nutritional education
  • regulate
  • vulnerable populations
  • consumer behavior
  • deter purchases
  • public awareness
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