Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?
During all
the time, Change preposition
All
people
are dreaming
about living in a perfect Wrong verb form
dream
society
which is quiet
difficult to achieve because of Correct your spelling
quite
disagreement
between different identities. In my point of view, Fix the agreement mistake
disagreements
people
cannot agree with answering the question: "What is happiness?", because it might be the most important thing for forming a perfect society
. It could be achieved by being honest to
each other, but it is very hard to get for Change preposition
with
individual
.
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
Firstly
, perfect
Add an article
a perfect
society
is
Change to the active voice
relies
has relied
relied
how Add the preposition
relied on
relied upon
people
feel inside some group of individuals. It hardly depends on happiness level represented by harmony, lack of stress and lifestyle. People
having any stress may not fit in society
and get worse with their mental health. For instance
, person
with a bad mood will have problems fittingAdd an article
a person
the person
a
Change preposition
into a
society
, but everybody should fit in a perfect one. This
point is a
very representative, Correct article usage
apply
thus
, in cases where you move to another country for some work or studying. Despite differences in culture, you will ealier
get into Correct your spelling
realise
happy
community Correct article usage
a happy
instead
of one covered by sadness.
Moving forward, being honest, espescially
for yourself, might be very helpful for constructing a perfect Correct your spelling
especially
society
. Nowadays, people
try to get higher results in different tests or get better
position in Add an article
a better
community
, but Add an article
the community
this
is a vital factor for creating such
group
because there always will be decepted Correct article usage
a group
people
. Otherwise
, being honest to
each other makes individuals feel more comfortable and afford to rely Change preposition
with
to
each other easily. Change the preposition
on
upon
Aslo
, Correct your spelling
Also
people
should be honest to
themselves, it could help Change preposition
with
to
achieve their goals properly. Correct pronoun usage
them to
For example
, it's critical
factor to study for the exam without any cheating because high example Add an article
a critical
tests
results will not represent your score correctly and you will get lower Change the noun form
test
mark
than you expect.
Fix the agreement mistake
marks
To sum up
, the idea of perfect
Correct article usage
a perfect
society
might differ from person to person while
it's
achievement may rely Correct your spelling
its
to
Change the preposition
on
upon
happines
Correct your spelling
happiness
inavitably
. Correct your spelling
inevitably
inevitable
Furthermore
, all the arguments may be caused by the variety of meanings of this
question, nevertheless
, understanding and reaching happines
for everybody might be very useful for constructing an ideal community.Correct your spelling
happiness
Submitted by i.dany24s on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Try to elaborate more on each element of a perfect society. Provide specific examples or case studies to support your ideas, as this will enhance your argument and make your essay more convincing.
task achievement
Work on developing your main ideas more comprehensively. Some points appear underdeveloped, and could benefit from further explanation or elaboration.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay is logically structured so the reader can follow your argument without confusion. Consider using transition words to link your ideas more clearly and coherently.
coherence cohesion
Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures. Vary your sentence length and structure to maintain the reader's interest and enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure and frame for your argument.
task achievement
You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the impact of stress on mental health and the importance of honesty, which help illustrate your points.
task achievement
The focus on happiness and honesty as central elements of a perfect society is insightful and provides a fresh perspective on the topic.