Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

#history #people #dream #art #society #element #world #work

During all

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All

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the time,

people

are dreaming

Wrong verb form

dream

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about living in a perfect

society

which is

quiet

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quite

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difficult to achieve because of

disagreement

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disagreements

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between different identities. In my point of view,

people

cannot agree with answering the question: "What is happiness?", because it might be the most important thing for forming a perfect

society

. It could be achieved by being honest

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with

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each other, but it is very hard to get for

individual

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individuals

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Firstly

perfect

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a perfect

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society

Change to the active voice

relies

has relied

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relied

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relied on

relied upon

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how

people

feel inside some group of individuals. It hardly depends on happiness level represented by harmony, lack of stress and lifestyle.

People

having any stress may not fit in

society

and get worse with their mental health.

For instance

person

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a person

the person

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with a bad mood will have problems fitting

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into a

show examples

society

, but everybody should fit in a perfect one.

This

point is

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apply

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very representative,

thus

, in cases where you move to another country for some work or studying. Despite differences in culture, you will

ealier

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realise

get into

happy

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a happy

show examples

community

instead

of one covered by sadness. Moving forward, being honest,

espescially

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especially

for yourself, might be very helpful for constructing a perfect

society

. Nowadays,

people

try to get higher results in different tests or get

better

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a better

show examples

position in

community

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the community

show examples

, but

this

is a vital factor for creating

such

group

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a group

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because there always will be decepted

people

Otherwise

, being honest

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with

show examples

each other makes individuals feel more comfortable and afford to rely

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upon

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each other easily.

Aslo

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Also

people

should be honest

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with

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themselves, it could help

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them to

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achieve their goals properly.

For example

, it's

critical

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a critical

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factor to study for the exam without any cheating because high example

tests

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test

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results will not represent your score correctly and you will get lower

mark

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marks

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than you expect.

To sum up

, the idea of

perfect

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a perfect

show examples

society

might differ from person to person

while

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

achievement may rely

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upon

show examples

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

inavitably

Correct your spelling

inevitably

inevitable

Furthermore

, all the arguments may be caused by the variety of meanings of

this

question,

nevertheless

, understanding and reaching

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

for everybody might be very useful for constructing an ideal community.

Submitted by i.dany24s on Fri Oct 18 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more on each element of a perfect society. Provide specific examples or case studies to support your ideas, as this will enhance your argument and make your essay more convincing.

task achievement

Work on developing your main ideas more comprehensively. Some points appear underdeveloped, and could benefit from further explanation or elaboration.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay is logically structured so the reader can follow your argument without confusion. Consider using transition words to link your ideas more clearly and coherently.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures. Vary your sentence length and structure to maintain the reader's interest and enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure and frame for your argument.

task achievement

You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the impact of stress on mental health and the importance of honesty, which help illustrate your points.

task achievement

The focus on happiness and honesty as central elements of a perfect society is insightful and provides a fresh perspective on the topic.

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

342 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

In certain nations, parents have high academic expectations for their children, resulting in limited leisure time. What could be the potential benefits and drawbacks of this for the children and the society they are part of?

Death penalty is still practiced in jurisdiction system of many countries. Some people believe that this type of punishment should be abolished. However, others are of opposite opinion. Discuss both sides of this debate and give your own opinion.

Some people think that success in life come from hard work and determination, while others think that there are more important factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Many people are using credit cards or loans to run up huge personal debts that they may be unable to repay. It should therefore be made more difficult for the individuals to borrow large amounts of money. What are your opinions on this?

Some people believe teenagers should concentrate on all subjects, even ones they do not enjoy. Others, however, believe that teenagers should only focus on the subjects they are bast at or find most interesting. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.