Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

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During all

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All

show examples

the time,

people

Use synonyms

are dreaming

Wrong verb form

dream

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about living in a perfect

society

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which is

quiet

Correct your spelling

quite

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difficult to achieve because of

disagreement

Fix the agreement mistake

disagreements

show examples

between different identities. In my point of view,

people

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cannot agree with answering the question: "What is happiness?", because it might be the most important thing for forming a perfect

society

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. It could be achieved by being honest

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with

show examples

each other, but it is very hard to get for

individual

Fix the agreement mistake

individuals

show examples

Firstly

Linking Words

perfect

Add an article

a perfect

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society

Use synonyms

Change to the active voice

relies

has relied

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relied

Add the preposition

relied on

relied upon

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how

people

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feel inside some group of individuals. It hardly depends on happiness level represented by harmony, lack of stress and lifestyle.

People

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having any stress may not fit in

society

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and get worse with their mental health.

For instance

Linking Words

person

Add an article

a person

the person

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with a bad mood will have problems fitting

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into a

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society

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, but everybody should fit in a perfect one.

This

Linking Words

point is

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apply

show examples

very representative,

thus

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, in cases where you move to another country for some work or studying. Despite differences in culture, you will

ealier

Correct your spelling

realise

get into

happy

Correct article usage

a happy

show examples

community

instead

Linking Words

of one covered by sadness. Moving forward, being honest,

espescially

Correct your spelling

especially

for yourself, might be very helpful for constructing a perfect

society

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. Nowadays,

people

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try to get higher results in different tests or get

better

Add an article

a better

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position in

community

Add an article

the community

show examples

, but

this

Linking Words

is a vital factor for creating

such

Linking Words

group

Correct article usage

a group

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because there always will be decepted

people

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Otherwise

Linking Words

, being honest

Change preposition

with

show examples

each other makes individuals feel more comfortable and afford to rely

Change the preposition

upon

show examples

each other easily.

Aslo

Correct your spelling

Also

people

Use synonyms

should be honest

Change preposition

with

show examples

themselves, it could help

Correct pronoun usage

them to

show examples

achieve their goals properly.

For example

Linking Words

, it's

critical

Add an article

a critical

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factor to study for the exam without any cheating because high example

tests

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test

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results will not represent your score correctly and you will get lower

mark

Fix the agreement mistake

marks

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than you expect.

To sum up

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, the idea of

perfect

Correct article usage

a perfect

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society

Use synonyms

might differ from person to person

while

Linking Words

it's

Correct your spelling

its

show examples

achievement may rely

Change the preposition

upon

show examples

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

inavitably

Correct your spelling

inevitably

inevitable

Furthermore

Linking Words

, all the arguments may be caused by the variety of meanings of

this

Linking Words

question,

nevertheless

Linking Words

, understanding and reaching

happines

Correct your spelling

happiness

for everybody might be very useful for constructing an ideal community.

i.dany24sFri Oct 18 2024

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task achievement

Try to elaborate more on each element of a perfect society. Provide specific examples or case studies to support your ideas, as this will enhance your argument and make your essay more convincing.

task achievement

Work on developing your main ideas more comprehensively. Some points appear underdeveloped, and could benefit from further explanation or elaboration.

coherence cohesion

Ensure your essay is logically structured so the reader can follow your argument without confusion. Consider using transition words to link your ideas more clearly and coherently.

coherence cohesion

Be cautious of repetitive sentence structures. Vary your sentence length and structure to maintain the reader's interest and enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides a good structure and frame for your argument.

task achievement

You provide relevant and specific examples, such as the impact of stress on mental health and the importance of honesty, which help illustrate your points.

task achievement

The focus on happiness and honesty as central elements of a perfect society is insightful and provides a fresh perspective on the topic.

12
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
32
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

6.5

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

342 words

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Throughout the history, people have dream art of living in a perfect society, but they have not agreed on what an ideal society would be like. What do you think is the most important element of a perfect society in the modern world. How can people work towards achieving an ideal society?

While many people go to university for academic study, more people should be encouraged to do vocational training because there is a lack of qualified workers such as electricians and plumbers. Do you agree or disagree?

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. What are the most serious problems associated with obesity and what solutions can you suggest?

Some people believe that children should study all subjects at school, while others think they should only study subjects they are good at or find interesting. Discuss both views and give your opinion.