IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that sport is an essential part of school life for children, while others feel it should be purely optional. Discuss these opposing views and give your own opinion

#people #sport #part #school #life #children
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Sport
Fix the agreement mistake
Sports
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 essential for
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. Some people suggest that
schools
Use synonyms
 should totally care of
this
Linking Words
 escape in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 routine,
while
Linking Words
 others believe
schools
Use synonyms
 are not obligated and they can just make
sports
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an
option
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay agrees with the first statement and disagrees with the second one, and will
gave
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 reasons. On the one side,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 should take part of
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 schedule in school because it
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 them stay healthy and strong, as it
protects
Correct subject-verb agreement
protect
show examples
 from many diseases. When
schools
Use synonyms
 give
students
Use synonyms
 movement breaks from the long sit time in
classes
Use synonyms
 that causes different problems in
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 bodies and makes them get bored of learning, they help
children
Use synonyms
 improve their health and socialize with
students
Use synonyms
 from different
classes
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, football games
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 Mondays support
children
Use synonyms
 enhance their football skills and communicate with
another team
Fix the agreement mistake
other teams
show examples
. On the other side, when
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 an
option
Use synonyms
 and young people choose to practice or
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
not, they will not take the
option
Use synonyms
 because of the discipline and hard work that
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 required, there are too young
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 not know what benefits and harms that can get on them back by
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, governments will not build
schools
Use synonyms
 with enough
spaces
Fix the agreement mistake
space
show examples
 and facilities for
practicipate
Correct your spelling
practising
sports
Use synonyms
, and
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 basics may lead to inequality between
students
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, if there is a school with
small
Correct article usage
a small
show examples
 football court that
carrying
Wrong verb form
carries
show examples
 only 22 players, the manager of the school will choose special
classes
Use synonyms
 to play and other ones can not take their chances. In conclusion,
sports
Use synonyms
 are very important for the well-being and quality
life
Change preposition
of life
show examples
 of kids.
Shools
Correct your spelling
Schools
show examples
 can contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 healthcare,
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
communication,
educational
Correct word choice
and educational
show examples
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 by providing games and
classes
Use synonyms
.
Sports
Use synonyms
 can not be an
option
Use synonyms
 because
children
Use synonyms
 need
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
someone to guide them to understand the advantages and disadvantages of life, as
schools
Use synonyms
 build enough spaces to become the perfect place for
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
.
Submitted by danall1kat on

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion on the topic, but some points could be more detailed. Expand on how sports contribute to overall student development, not just physical health, but also mental and emotional well-being.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on the opposing viewpoint as well. This will enrich the discussion and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical flow, but transitions between ideas can be improved for better coherence. Use linking words like 'furthermore,' 'consequently,' and 'moreover' to enhance the readability.
coherence and cohesion
Some paragraphs could benefit from a more explicit topic sentence to guide the argument. Make sure each paragraph clearly states its main idea early on.
task achievement
A clear introduction and conclusion that frame your viewpoints well are present. This helps in providing a rounded view and makes your opinion stand out more.
task achievement
Using examples like 'football games supporting skills and communication' helps solidify your points and provides a relatable context.
coherence and cohesion
The essay logically flows from introduction to conclusion, maintaining a consistent stance on the importance of sports in schools.
coherence and cohesion
There is a good balance of discussing both sides of the argument, even though more detail is needed for the opposing view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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