Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. Do you agree or disagree?
In modern times, many elderly parents are placed
on
home for Change preposition
at
the-aged
, Correct your spelling
the aged
while
some support this
idea, other people
believe that older people
should stay with their children. This
essay will discuss why I am aminable
on the idea of the Correct your spelling
amenable
amiable
top-aging
population residing at elderly homes.
The vast majority of families who are part of conservative nations experience discrimination when sending their grandparents Change the spelling
top-ageing
at
hospice care set up. It would yield a negative notion from the public eye. Change preposition
to
However
, I beg to disagree on this
matter. Firstly
, senior residential community area
were designed to Fix the agreement mistake
areas
accomodate
the needs of the older Correct your spelling
accommodate
people
. Take an example, their bathrooms have grab bars which would prevent accidents from slippery floors. Secondly
, there are trained personnel who takes
good care of the older Correct subject-verb agreement
take
people
. Thus
, their blood pressures are monitored in order to modify their diet.
Aside from the
physical needs, their social and mental aspect would be healthy. Change the word
their
This
is through the exposure of fellow tenants, friendships and interactions are possible. On their respective schedules
occupants can play board games, dance, and share stories. Add a comma
schedules,
In addition
to social interaction, their mental well-being will be put at ease as they will encounter people
who share some of their insecurities and worries. Additionally
, old people
who does
not have blood relatives can Change the verb form
do
also
experience the feeling of belongingness.
On the one hand, taking care of an
elderly Correct article usage
the
on
a family house may put the elderly on a comfortable set-up. Change preposition
in
However
, on
the long Change preposition
in
run
it will become stressful on the part of the relatives. The grandparents will see familiar faces and feel at home. Add a comma
run,
This
may be good but there can be family dynamics involve
Wrong verb form
involved
such
as pressure on who will be the immediate caregiver
of their grand-relatives. Fix the agreement mistake
caregivers
This
will eventually result to
family drama and Change preposition
in
high
tendency to make the older person feel bad.
In conclusion, Correct article usage
a high
although
it can be controversial for traditional communities to send their parents on
old-community Change preposition
to
place
, it can be beneficial in many ways. Meanwhile, living with Fix the agreement mistake
places
the
older Correct article usage
an
with
Change preposition
apply
their
family can make them feel at peace yet, family affairs may arise.Correct pronoun usage
apply
Submitted by emmagallares on
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Vocabulary
Ensure consistent use of vocabulary and language structures throughout the essay to demonstrate a higher level of fluency.
Grammar
Review grammar for small errors, such as subject-verb agreement and proper use of articles.
Coherence
Improve logical flow by using transitional phrases more effectively between arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed in the essay.
Examples
Good use of examples to support your arguments, like describing the facilities in senior homes.
Introduction
The introduction clearly outlines the two perspectives and your position, setting a clear direction for the essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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