Due to the development and expansion of supermarkets, some local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that closing off the local markets will bring the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In the earlier period, most people went to traditional
markets
which were composed of many peddlers to buy necessities.
However
, nowadays, more and more humans choose to purchase various stuff in
supermarkets
.
Therefore
, some people think
this
kind of situation leads to the close of many local
markets
around
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apply
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nationwide places. As far as I am concerned, I partially agree with their sayings. In recent years, the appearance of society has changed, and so do consumers'
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. Because
supermarkets
enter communities
and
Correct word choice
apply
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they can attract plenty of consumers to merchandise sundry goods.
As a result
, the existence of
this
kind of retailer largely affects, and threatens other small retailers, peddlers, and even grocery store owners. The multitude has already not seen traditional ones in some regions, and
this
phenomenon indeed brings about the disappearance of local businesses.
As a result
, local communities may have lacked another bustling landscape since
then
. The supermarket's rapid development which local businesses can not compare causes the public to opt for
supermarkets
in place of traditional ones.
Due to
several advantages, they can outperform traditional
markets
.
For example
,
Firstly
, the space for selling products is clean,
neat
Correct word choice
and neat
show examples
, and
also
there is a chill environment, which conservative
markets
do not have.
Secondly
, the category of the product is versatile, including foods, drinks, hygiene as well cleaning things. Consumers who are meticulous with efficiency usually visit
supermarkets
, so that they do not make an effort to run to different places.
Although
there are adverse factors, old
markets
have still their perks,
such
as low prices and the prospect of bargaining products. In a nutshell, as previously stated, I argue for the closing off of local businesses thanks to
supermarkets
. With several benefits of modern
markets
, old ones do not easily survive in the developing environment if old
markets
do not improve their operations and strengthen their features.
Submitted by hayashidajinja820 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on presenting ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Be sure to explain your points thoroughly and avoid using vague language.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with clear explanation and evidence. This will add depth and persuasiveness to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to improve the flow between your sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps present the response logically.
task achievement
The topic is addressed competently with a balanced view provided. You have successfully considered different perspectives regarding the impact of supermarkets on local communities.

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