IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Due to the development and expansion of supermarkets, some local businesses are unable to compete. Some people think that closing off the local markets will bring the death of local communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the earlier period, most people went to traditional
markets
Use synonyms
 which were composed of many peddlers to buy necessities.
However
Linking Words
, nowadays, more and more humans choose to purchase various stuff in
supermarkets
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, some people think
this
Linking Words
 kind of situation leads to the close of many local
markets
Use synonyms
around
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nationwide places. As far as I am concerned, I partially agree with their sayings. In recent years, the appearance of society has changed, and so do consumers'
behaviors
Change the spelling
behaviours
show examples
. Because
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 enter communities
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they can attract plenty of consumers to merchandise sundry goods.
As a result
Linking Words
, the existence of
this
Linking Words
 kind of retailer largely affects, and threatens other small retailers, peddlers, and even grocery store owners. The multitude has already not seen traditional ones in some regions, and
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon indeed brings about the disappearance of local businesses.
As a result
Linking Words
, local communities may have lacked another bustling landscape since
then
Linking Words
. The supermarket's rapid development which local businesses can not compare causes the public to opt for
supermarkets
Use synonyms
 in place of traditional ones.
Due to
Linking Words
 several advantages, they can outperform traditional
markets
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
Firstly
Linking Words
, the space for selling products is clean,
neat
Correct word choice
and neat
show examples
, and
also
Linking Words
 there is a chill environment, which conservative
markets
Use synonyms
 do not have.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the category of the product is versatile, including foods, drinks, hygiene as well cleaning things. Consumers who are meticulous with efficiency usually visit
supermarkets
Use synonyms
, so that they do not make an effort to run to different places.
Although
Linking Words
 there are adverse factors, old
markets
Use synonyms
 have still their perks,
such
Linking Words
 as low prices and the prospect of bargaining products. In a nutshell, as previously stated, I argue for the closing off of local businesses thanks to
supermarkets
Use synonyms
. With several benefits of modern
markets
Use synonyms
, old ones do not easily survive in the developing environment if old
markets
Use synonyms
 do not improve their operations and strengthen their features.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples or evidence to support your points. This will help strengthen your arguments and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Work on presenting ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Be sure to explain your points thoroughly and avoid using vague language.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that your main points are fully supported with clear explanation and evidence. This will add depth and persuasiveness to your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Use more transition words and phrases to improve the flow between your sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which helps present the response logically.
task achievement
The topic is addressed competently with a balanced view provided. You have successfully considered different perspectives regarding the impact of supermarkets on local communities.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: