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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows the percentage of Internet users by population in the USA, Canada and Mexico between 1990 and 2009.​ Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows the percentage of Internet users by population in the USA, Canada and Mexico between 1990 and 2009.​ Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
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The diagram depicts the information about users of
Internet
Correct article usage
the Internet
show examples
, through
population
Add an article
the population
a population
show examples
 in three different countries. The timeline is between 1999 and 2009.
Overall
Linking Words
, there are
Canada
Use synonyms
,
Mexico
Use synonyms
 and the
USA
Use synonyms
 and all of them have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 trend of increase. As seen in the line graph, the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 proportion in 1999 was in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Mexico
Use synonyms
, nearly 5%.
While
Linking Words
 two others had 20% and 10%, respectively. In 2001, the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
 of users in
Mexico
Use synonyms
 and in
Use synonyms
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 had
rose
Change the verb form
risen
show examples
 by two times, and reached approximately 10% and 40%, respectively.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
index
Correct article usage
the index
show examples
 of
Canada
Use synonyms
 improved to 30%. In
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 8 years, the results of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Mexico
Use synonyms
were increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 by two times, despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2007, when growth was only 5%. As illustrated in the graph, in 2003
proportion
Add an article
the proportion
show examples
 of
Canada
Use synonyms
 overtook the
USA
Use synonyms
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 almost 60%, but in 2005 they had the same
percent
Replace the word
percentage
show examples
, nearly 70%.
Linking Words
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,
after
Linking Words
Linking Words
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 the index of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Canada
Use synonyms
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 bigger and in 2009 reached
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 peak
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
 100%,
while
Linking Words
 the
USA
Use synonyms
 had 80%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words canada, mexico, usa with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "nearly" was used 2 times.
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