IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Recently, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
countries struggling with the increasing
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
issue of overweight
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children, and one of the significant reasons
to
Change preposition
for to
show examples
 increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 number is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
food
Use synonyms
,
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
I will highlight
bellow
Correct your spelling
below
show examples
 the
most
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
reasons
.
Rephrase
below.
show examples
Body paragraph 1
to begin
Linking Words
 with, we can see in
recent
Add an article
the recent
show examples
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 the number of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children who
suffring
Correct your spelling
suffer
with
Change preposition
from
show examples
overweight
Add a missing verb
being overweight
show examples
is
Verb problem
has
show examples
rose
Wrong verb form
risen
show examples
significantlly
Correct your spelling
significantly
, and that
Linking Words
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
 to several reasons and the most
reason
Correct word choice
important reason
show examples
 is their diet
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 home and school,
However
Linking Words
, I think the
issuse
Correct your spelling
issue
issues
 should
fix
Wrong verb form
be fixed
show examples
 it in both home and school, there are many method and
onw
Correct your spelling
one
 of them is ban selling the fast
food
Use synonyms
 in school by the
goverment
Correct your spelling
government
.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
Linking Words
, with spread the
fast
Change preposition
of fast
show examples
 and junk
food
Use synonyms
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
easly
Correct your spelling
easily
 reach
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people used to order
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
 make
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
home
Add an article
the home
show examples
, and they
feeding
Wrong verb form
feed
show examples
 the
childen
Correct your spelling
children
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 3
The
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
besides
Linking Words
the ban
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 selling
this
Linking Words
 kind of
food
Use synonyms
,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
should
to educating
Wrong verb form
educate
show examples
 people
ot
Correct your spelling
on
 the importance of nutrition the kids, they are in
sinsetive
Correct article usage
a sinsetive
show examples
 phase
beacuse
Correct your spelling
because
 they are
growth
Replace the word
growing
show examples
 they need to eat
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
food
Use synonyms
.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
due to
Linking Words
 a lack of awareness among the people, the
goverments
Correct your spelling
government
governments
 should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
take a
step
Fix the agreement mistake
steps
show examples
 to fix
this
Linking Words
issuse
Correct your spelling
issue
,
sauch
Correct your spelling
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
try
Wrong verb form
trying
show examples
 to spread
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness of the danger of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 social media and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other ways.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Try to provide specific examples or evidence to support the points you make. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Aim to develop your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This can be achieved by expanding on each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay clearly with a logical structure. Use appropriate paragraphing to separate different ideas or points.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine your introduction and conclusion to ensure they summarize your position clearly and effectively.
task achievement
The essay appropriately addresses the issue of overweight children and the role of fast food.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.
task achievement
The essay attempts to explore multiple sides of the issue, including parental habits and governmental responsibilities.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: