In some countries an increasing number of children are overweight as a result of eating too much fast food. It is necessary for governments to ban selling this kind of food in schools. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?
Recently, most
of
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the
countries struggling with the increasing Correct article usage
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of
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the
issue of overweight Correct article usage
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the
children, and one of the significant reasons Correct article usage
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the
number is Change preposition
in the
the
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food
, and
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bellow
the Correct your spelling
below
most
reasonsCorrect quantifier usage
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.
Rephrase
below.
to begin
with, we can see in recent
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the recent
period
the number of Fix the agreement mistake
periods
the
children who Correct article usage
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suffring
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suffer
with
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from
overweight
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being overweight
is
Verb problem
has
rose
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risen
significantlly
, and that Correct your spelling
significantly
due
to several reasons and the most Add a missing verb
is due
reason
is their diet Correct word choice
important reason
in
home and school, Change preposition
at
However
, I think the issuse
should Correct your spelling
issue
issues
fix
it in both home and school, there are many method and Wrong verb form
be fixed
onw
of them is ban selling the fast Correct your spelling
one
food
in school by the goverment
.
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government
In addition
, with spread the fast
and junk Change preposition
of fast
food
and
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easly
reach Correct your spelling
easily
to
them, Change preposition
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the
people used to order Correct article usage
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the
fast Correct article usage
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food
than
make Correct your spelling
then
the
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health
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healthy
food
in
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at
home
, and they Add an article
the home
feeding
the Wrong verb form
feed
childen
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children
this
kind of food
.
The goverments
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government
governments
besides
the ban
selling Wrong verb form
banning
this
kind of food
, they
should Correct pronoun usage
apply
to educating
people Wrong verb form
educate
ot
the importance of nutrition the kids, they are in Correct your spelling
on
sinsetive
phase Correct article usage
a sinsetive
beacuse
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because
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they need to eat Replace the word
growing
health
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healthy
food
.
In conclusion, due to
a lack of awareness among the people, the goverments
should Correct your spelling
government
governments
to
take a Change the verb form
apply
step
to fix Fix the agreement mistake
steps
this
issuse
, Correct your spelling
issue
sauch
asCorrect your spelling
such
,
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apply
try
to spread Wrong verb form
trying
the
awareness of the danger of Correct article usage
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food
in
social media and Change preposition
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other ways.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by atheer on
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task achievement
Try to provide specific examples or evidence to support the points you make. This will strengthen your argument and make it more convincing.
task achievement
Aim to develop your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. This can be achieved by expanding on each point you make.
coherence cohesion
Organize your essay clearly with a logical structure. Use appropriate paragraphing to separate different ideas or points.
coherence cohesion
Review and refine your introduction and conclusion to ensure they summarize your position clearly and effectively.
task achievement
The essay appropriately addresses the issue of overweight children and the role of fast food.
coherence cohesion
Both the introduction and conclusion are present, giving the essay a complete feel.
task achievement
The essay attempts to explore multiple sides of the issue, including parental habits and governmental responsibilities.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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