IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Nowadays, many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or organization. Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed?

#people #work #company #organization #be #case
Nowadays, many
people
 refuse to
work
 in companies and become self-employed. They don’t want to have bosses and are responsible for their own results. And
this
 has become possible only
due to
 the development of the Internet. Now you can look for clients not only in your city
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but all over the world. There are many reasons why
people
 want to be self-employed.
Firstly
, in many situations, the self-employed earn more. When a
person
 works in a
company
, he pays more taxes, and part of his salary goes to the boss. It is
also
 a social trend to be self-employed. Now the Internet is filled with motivation to be self-employed and
don’t
Verb problem
not
show examples
 depend on the boss.
Such
people
 often show their success, and others
also
 want to repeat their path.
However
, the self-employed
also
 has problems.
Firstly
, the self-employed have less stability. When a
person
 works in a large
company
, it often has many insurance policies for different cases. He may not worry about his future. And if the
company
 closes, he will receive funds to find a job. When a
person
 works for a large
company
, the state protects him.
Secondly
, not all
people
 can become self-employed. A
person
 must be developed in many areas. When a
person
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 for a large
company
, he can be a specialist in only 1 area, the rest of the
work
 will be done for him by other workers. When a
person
 is self-employed,
in addition
 to his
work
, he must be able to find clients, arrange meetings,
pay
Correct word choice
and pay
show examples
 taxes. Working as a self-employed
person
 is often more difficult than working for a large
company
.
However
, it has its advantages. Our world provides a large number of opportunities for
this
.
Submitted by oberv0lt on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen the points you are making. This will enhance your task achievement.
task achievement
Clarify any vague statements and always aim to expand on the points with detailed explanations to improve the comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by discussing both reasons for self-employment and its disadvantages, showing a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, encapsulating the main ideas effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structuring of paragraphs, each dealing with distinct aspects of the topic, aids reader understanding.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • self-employed
  • company
  • organization
  • freedom
  • independence
  • income potential
  • flexibility
  • working hours
  • working location
  • passions
  • interests
  • decision-making
  • business practices
  • disadvantages
What to do next:
Look at other essays: