IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Travelling abroad is reganded as a valuable and good activity for young people, but some people think it takes too much time and money. Discuss both these viceos and give your own opinion.

#activity #people #time #money #viceos
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There is no doubt that travelling plays an indispensable role in our lives.
However
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, there are few masses opine that going to other
world
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 cost us both
time
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 and
money
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. In the impending
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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 I will shed light on both the arguments with my
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
. To commence with, let us delve deeper
in
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into
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 the former
view point
Correct your spelling
viewpoint
show examples
. First and foremost, when an individual
travel
Correct subject-verb agreement
travels
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 different city they enhance their knowledge about culture and customs
,
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apply
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 because they interact with different
nationality
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nationalities
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folks
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of folks
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 with different
caste
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castes
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 and
religion
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religions
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.
Secondly
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, they feel more relaxed and energetic because they spend quality with their children and family.To explain , when a person
spend
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spends
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 most of
the
Change the word
their
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time
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in
Change preposition
at
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 work they feel
boring
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bored
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 and stressed and even fall
in
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into
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 anxiety and depression.
Hence
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, travelling to any place
act
Correct subject-verb agreement
acts
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 as a stress buster for individual life .
Last
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, but not least travelling around the
world
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 helps in learning new languages Because In abroad English is the
vast
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most
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 common language to speak ,
therefore
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individual
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individuals
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 can learn English to speak.
Nevertheless
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, let us examine the latter argument.
Firstly
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, travelling around the
world
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require
Correct subject-verb agreement
requires
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 more
money
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 and
time
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 .To explain ,If an individual
want
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wants
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 to visit abroad they have to spend their
hard earned
Add a hyphen
hard-earned
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money
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 to pay
flight
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for flight
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 tickets,
hotel
Correct word choice
and hotel
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 bookings and
some
Correct your spelling
sometimes
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time
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 they have to invest big chunks of
money
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 on travel insurance too.
Hence
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, after spending all
money
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inthese
Correct your spelling
in these
 activities they may fall
in
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into
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 debt and face financial
crisis
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crises
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 in their future life.
In addition
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 to
this
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, when a person
went
Wrong verb form
goes
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to
Change preposition
on
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 holiday in
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 they may indulge in
drugs
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 because in
foriegn
Correct your spelling
foreign
 countries specially in Canada vast majority of
drugs
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Add a missing verb
are avialable
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avialable
Correct your spelling
available
 in shops because
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is no restriction on selling
drugs
Use synonyms
such
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 as weed . To encapsulate, I asserted that travelling around the
world
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 results in
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
 physical health because person
get
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gets
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 a break from their work life.
while
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,
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apply
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 on the
down side
Correct your spelling
downside
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 it can cause serious issues to individual lives
such
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 as financial debt and
indulge
Wrong verb form
indulging
show examples
 in taking
drugs
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by navdeepbajaj89 on

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complete response
Your essay covers the main points of both views and provides your own opinion, which is great. However, for a higher score, try to ensure your ideas are more clearly organized and develop your arguments further. At times, your examples and explanations seem underdeveloped or could be more specific.
logical structure
Work on improving transitions between your ideas and paragraphs to enhance the flow and connectivity of your essay. This will help in maintaining the reader's interest and improving engagement.
supported main points
Your main points are present, but they could be better supported with more detailed examples and clearer explanations. Try providing more specific instances or evidence to back up your arguments.
complete response
You successfully present both sides of the argument, which is essential for this type of essay.
introduction conclusion present
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, which bookends your discussion nicely.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've made an effort to discuss the idea of cultural exposure and personal growth through travel, which adds depth to your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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