Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #town #malls

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

It is widely believed that constructing public gardens and gyms

instead

Linking Words

of shopping

centres

Use synonyms

should be prioritized in modern cities. I find myself among those who subscribe to the view that more parks and sports

centres

Use synonyms

should be set up in urban areas.

Firstly

Linking Words

, exercising and being exposed to green spaces could play a crucial role in our both physical and mental health. Building parks for people assists them in catching more fresh air and sunlight.

Also

Linking Words

, using sports facilities could boost their physical activity. It would be beneficial to the prevention of cardiovascular diseases and depression if these places were constructed in cities

instead

Linking Words

of more places for shopping.

While

Linking Words

they do not have any contribution to the

overall

Linking Words

well-being of people.

Secondly

Linking Words

, commuting to the malls

while

Linking Words

there are lots of online shops for those who intend to buy, would waste noticeable time.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it would increase traffic congestion near the shopping

centres

Use synonyms

Subsequently

Linking Words

, transportation in the town would face multifarious difficulties,

such

Linking Words

as running out of parking lots and

stucking

Verb problem

being stuck

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traffic lines for hours.

While

Linking Words

e-stores are provided the same products

Change preposition

show examples

the malls, the necessity of constructing more of these buildings would reduce.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, if people dedicate their time to exercise in the gyms or walk in the parks

instead

Linking Words

of waste it on the way of

shoping

Correct your spelling

shopping

malls, they could take advantage of their time in order to use it for their personal life. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

shopping

centres

Use synonyms

are part of the modern cities, I firmly agree with the idea that it would be beneficial to

constructing

Wrong verb form

construct

show examples

more areas for exercising and getting benefits from nature in the town.

Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on Sun Oct 20 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

Ensure your arguments are consistently supported with specific examples to better illustrate your points.

task achievement

While your ideas are clear, try to expand them further with more detailed analysis.

general

Keep an eye on minor grammatical errors to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly states your position, setting a strong foundation for your argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively restates your position while summarizing the main points.

coherence cohesion

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

8
band
You have just spent a week with a friend on holiday, and when you got home, you realized that you have left your wallet in your friend's house. Write a letter to your friend; thanking for the holiday, explaining that you left your wallet at their place, providing instructions on how to send it back.
I am writing to express my sincere gratitude for arranging such a memorable and enjoyable holiday week. It was truly a fantastic experience, and I could not have imagined it without your thoughtful assistance. Your home is exceptional, and your hospitality is commendable. I particularly enjoyed your culinary skills; your food was exceptionally delicious.
7
band
Some say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinions.
Some people believe that the primary aim of education is to prepare students to become contributing members of society. While others contend that its purpose should revolve around achieving self-realization or self-actualization. I see value in both perspectives and achieving a balance between them is essential.
7.5
band
Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children they spend watching Tv influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Using TV in an ineffective way may make the children misbehave. The reasons for this partly depend on the content they choose to watch and the amount of time they wish to spend on it. Despite both of them resulting in bad behaviours, I believe that it is the content that makes the children bad.
7.5
band
Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What measures can be done to address those problems?
All over the world, the class divisions between people have been one of the most essential problems. While there are some reasons for this gap, I would argue that the following measures can be taken action to tackle this issue.
5.5
band
What are causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?
In recent years, crime has emerged as one of the vital threats to not only communities but also people’s life. This essay will exert considerable circumstances which pave the way for creating crime and proposes preventive solutions to address this prominent issue.

Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some say that the purpose of education is to prepare individuals to be useful to society. Others say the purpose of education is to help people achieve personal ambitions. Discuss both views and give your opinions.

Some people say that what children watch on TV influences their behaviour while others say the amount of time children they spend watching Tv influences their behavior. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many people say the gap between rich and poor people is wider, as rich people become richer and poor people grow poorer. What problems could this situation cause? What measures can be done to address those problems?

What are causes of crime and what could be done to prevent this rise in criminal activity?