Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parks #sports #facilities #town #malls

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It is widely believed that constructing public gardens and gyms

instead

of shopping

centres

should be prioritized in modern cities. I find myself among those who subscribe to the view that more parks and sports

centres

should be set up in urban areas.

Firstly

, exercising and being exposed to green spaces could play a crucial role in our both physical and mental health. Building parks for people assists them in catching more fresh air and sunlight.

Also

, using sports facilities could boost their physical activity. It would be beneficial to the prevention of cardiovascular diseases and depression if these places were constructed in cities

instead

of more places for shopping.

While

they do not have any contribution to the

overall

well-being of people.

Secondly

, commuting to the malls

while

there are lots of online shops for those who intend to buy, would waste noticeable time.

Moreover

, it would increase traffic congestion near the shopping

centres

Subsequently

, transportation in the town would face multifarious difficulties,

such

as running out of parking lots and

stucking

Verb problem

being stuck

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

traffic lines for hours.

While

e-stores are provided the same products

Change preposition

show examples

the malls, the necessity of constructing more of these buildings would reduce.

Furthermore

, if people dedicate their time to exercise in the gyms or walk in the parks

instead

of waste it on the way of

shoping

Correct your spelling

shopping

malls, they could take advantage of their time in order to use it for their personal life. In conclusion,

although

shopping

centres

are part of the modern cities, I firmly agree with the idea that it would be beneficial to

constructing

Wrong verb form

construct

show examples

more areas for exercising and getting benefits from nature in the town.

Submitted by rezaei.rezvan94 on Sun Oct 20 2024

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task achievement

Ensure your arguments are consistently supported with specific examples to better illustrate your points.

task achievement

While your ideas are clear, try to expand them further with more detailed analysis.

general

Keep an eye on minor grammatical errors to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction clearly states your position, setting a strong foundation for your argument.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion effectively restates your position while summarizing the main points.

coherence cohesion

The essay is organized into clear paragraphs, each addressing a specific aspect of the argument.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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11
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

277 words

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Some people think that it is better to build more public parks and sports facilities in new town rather shopping malls. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

In the future all cars,buses and trucks will be driverless. The only people traveling inside these vehicles will be passengers. Do you think the advantages of driverless vehicles outweigh the disadvantages?

People living in big cities face several problems. What are these problems? Should governments encourage people to move to smaller town?

Some people think the main purpose of schools is to turn children into good citizens and workers, rather to benefit the as individuals. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that one should plan detailed activities for their leisure time, while others disagree with this view. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

Some people believe that if police force carries guns, it can encourage a higher level of violence. To what extent do you agree or disagree?