IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 2

Some university students live with their family while others live away form home because their universities are in different places. Do you think the benefits of living away from home outweigh the disadvantages?

#university #students #form #home #universities #places
The graphs provide key information about workers of
male
Fix the agreement mistake
males
show examples
 and
female
Fix the agreement mistake
females
show examples
 in various employment categories of the
republic
Capitalize word
Republic
show examples
 of Freedonial between 1975 and 1995. The units are measured in
numbers
.
Overall
, it is clear from the graph that
women
 always were less
numbers
 than
men
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 all sectors in 1975.
In addition
,
according to
 manufacturing,
men
 were hired significantly more than
women
 at 640
employees
,
whereas
 the female workers
were
Verb problem
had
show examples
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 jobs at 250
employees
.
According to
 what is shown, in 1995 the graphs demonstrated the male and female almost identical
numbers
 in Finanve/banking around 240
employees
.
However
, the Manufacturing and communications had
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
opposite
numbers
 of
employees
. In terms of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 sector in 1995, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a slightly different between
men
 and
women
 ,
while
 in 1975
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
 were more
occouptions
Correct your spelling
occupations
 at 210 rather than
women
 were 4
employees
.
Thus
, there was a huge gap between the
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
 in Freedonia.
Submitted by raghadyaseer2015 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Structure
Ensure that the essay has a clear introduction and conclusion to frame your analysis properly. Begin with a brief introduction of the topic and end with a summary or conclusion.
Cohesion
Use linking words and phrases effectively to make the transition between ideas smooth and to help in understanding the relationships between different sets of data.
Task Response
Clarify your points with more specific examples or additional explanations. This will help in making your analysis more comprehensive and easier to follow.
Task Response
The essay successfully identifies key trends in the data, such as the differences between male and female employment across various sectors.
Task Achievement
Including specific numbers and comparisons adds detail to your analysis and provides a clear picture of the data being discussed.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: