IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Write about the following topic: Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers, should be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe they should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#topic #people #professionals #doctors #engineers #work #country
Some people believe that
professionals
 like doctors and engineers should serve in the
country
 where they did their training. Other individuals think that
professionals
 should have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
right
 to decide where they will
work
. I personally believe that
while
professionals
 have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to serve
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
country
 where they achieved their
qualification
Fix the agreement mistake
qualifications
show examples
 and training, they should have
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 self-autonomy to decide where they will
work
.
Professionals
 have
responsibility
Add an article
a responsibility
the responsibility
show examples
 to serve the
country
 where they achieved their qualification and training. The money
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
invested for
professionals
 to achieve their degrees
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 paid by the taxes of the general people.
Therefore
, if people need those
professionals
, they should
work
 for them.
For example
, in Bangladesh, the government has passed a law that doctors should stay the first five years of their careers in their home
country
 and they should not go abroad.
However
, I believe that
professionals
 should go abroad if they like because they have achieved their qualification
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their own hard
work
.
Professionals
 should have self-autonomy
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 deciding where they will
work
. As a professional, it is their
right
 to decide where they will be comfortable to
work
. Being a professional requires a lot of hard
work
 and dedication.
Therefore
, after completing their training, they should have the
right
 to decide their workplace.
For example
, in India, many engineers leave their home
country
 and migrate to Australia to achieve better professional development with
Correct article usage
an attarctive
show examples
attarctive
Correct your spelling
attractive
 salary. I believe that as they have
achived
Correct your spelling
achieved
 their degree and training with hard
work
, they will decide where they will serve. In conclusion,
while
professionals
 should have that obligation to serve their home
country
, I personally believe that they should have
right
Correct article usage
the right
show examples
 to decide where they will serve because they achieve their degree with their own hard
work
.
Submitted by rahman_rehana on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer structure in the argumentation. Consider using more linking phrases and connectors to enhance the logical flow and cohesiveness among paragraphs and ideas.
task achievement
Try to offer more elaboration on your supporting points. Instead of just using examples, provide additional explanations on why these examples are relevant and how they support your overall argument.
task achievement
Consider addressing potential counterarguments or additional perspectives to add depth and a balanced view to your discussion.
coherence cohesion
You have structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your arguments effectively.
task achievement
Your use of specific examples, like the laws in Bangladesh and engineers migrating to Australia, effectively illustrates your points and makes the essay more compelling.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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