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Band 5

It is important for children to learn the difference between right and wrong at an early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? What sort of punishments should parents and teachers be allowed to use to teach good behaviours to children?

#children #difference #right #age #sort #punishments #parents #teachers #behaviours
Children are not just
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 of a particular country but they are
hope
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the hope
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 for
betterment
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the betterment
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 of
whole
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the whole
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 world.
Hence
, some ponder it is really significant to make them understand what is
right
 and wrong at
young
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a young
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 age.
According to
 me, that's absolutely
right
. So
i
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I
show examples
 will be going to discuss
about
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
it plus
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 will try to come up with some ways,
parents
 and
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 can use to make them go onto
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 path in upcoming paragraphs. First of all, I believe
kids
Change noun form
kids'
kid's
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 development and
behaviour
 in early years is what can be seen in teens and adults. So it
it
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 necessary to make them realise
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 mistakes and show them the
right
 path. Here, some might think that it is too early, let them be free but, most
of
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apply
show examples
behaviour
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the behaviour
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consulants
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consultants
 say that
this
 is where
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and
parents
 make
mistake
Fix the agreement mistake
mistakes
show examples
 and let the young ones be the way they are.
As a result
, in
coming
Correct article usage
the coming
show examples
future
Add a comma
future,
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
it becomes difficult and impossible to make the kids realise that they are going
on
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in
show examples
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
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 direction.
For example
, I saw an advertisement in which
child
Correct article usage
a child
show examples
 was kind of slapping his mother, that was taken
into
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in
show examples
fun
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a fun
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 way. but when the same thing
happend
Correct your spelling
happened
 in later years,
parents
Correct pronoun usage
my parents
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 looked sad. That means there is
need
Correct article usage
a need
show examples
 to tell
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the child
a child
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child
Fix the agreement mistake
children
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 what is acceptable and what is not, at
early
Add an article
an early
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 age only.
Although
 many
parents
 and
mentor
Fix the agreement mistake
mentors
show examples
 used to have very strict ways of correcting
behaviour
Add an article
the behaviour
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 of their
youngster
Fix the agreement mistake
youngsters
show examples
, the situation these days is not
same
Correct article usage
the same
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. I am sure there are other ways
to
Replace the word
too
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. Like, taking help of
behaviour
conslutants
Correct your spelling
consultants
consultant
.
Also
, teaching kids
thorugh
Correct your spelling
through
 videos and acts that can motivate them how
world
Add an article
the world
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 can be
better
Correct article usage
a better
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 place with better people.
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, I would say that young ones are
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the one
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one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
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 who can make
world
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the world
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more
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a more
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 beautiful and peaceful place if everyone
get
Change the verb form
gets
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 together to direct them and redirect them
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when they are
Change preposition
on at
show examples
at
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 incorrect path with proper and mindful guidence.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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task achievement
Ensure clarity and reduce ambiguity by clearly articulating points and examples throughout the essay. This will help readers understand your perspective more easily.
coherence cohesion
Develop a more coherent structure by using clearer topic sentences and logical transitions between paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on teaching children the difference between right and wrong.
task achievement
Your essay correctly addresses the issue of teaching children ethical behavior at an early age and discusses the role of parents and teachers, aligning well with the task response requirement.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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