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Band 5

People aim to keep balance between their work and other parts of their lives, but few people achieve it. What are the problems in trying to achieve this goal and how can these problems be overcome?

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In the modern era,
people
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 tend to struggle with many problems to maintain
a
Correct article usage
apply
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stability between
work
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 and
life
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;
however
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 ,there are very few
people
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 who are able to achieve a balance.
This
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 essay will shed light on the main reason and suggest several strategies
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while
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for
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 achieving stability in job and private
life
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. To commence with, there are a plethora of reasons why it is difficult for most
people
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 to achieve a balance between
work
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 and
life
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. First and foremost, living in the era of dominant technologies, which
instill
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instil
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 the values of effort and
endeavor
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endeavour
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 in modern
people
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in meeting
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to meet
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 the demands of
materialistic
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a materialistic
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 society. A typical example is children; they are always trying to study day in and day out to pass the entrance exam with flying colours.It is the principal cause of a lack of time to spend
for
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in
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 their
life
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.
In addition
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, the appearance of diverse social media makes them
while
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 away time and immerse themselves in it.
As a result
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,
people
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 who use social media without control will not have time to devote to other aspects of
life
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.
On the other hand
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, there are a wide range of effective ways to tackle
this
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 issue.
Firstly
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, each individual should opt for a downshifting lifestyle and learn when enough and
then
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 we all begin to enjoy
life
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 in its true form.
This
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 leads to
people
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 not being concerned about financial difficulties and can live a leisurely
life
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. Another resolution is that a great deal of policies should be introduced by the government regarding better salary packages for employers.
This
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 enables
people
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 to not
require
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be required
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 to
work
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 overtime to earn more. In conclusion, it is difficult for
people
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 who try to stabilize between
life
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 and
work
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.
However
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,
this
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 issue can be solved by working towards a downshifting lifestyle and fulfilling
life
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.
Besides
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, go

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion of your essay, consider using clearer transitions between paragraphs and points. This will help the reader follow your argument more smoothly.
task achievement
Support your main points with more specific examples or evidence. This could enhance the persuasiveness and clarity of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing key points more explicitly, reinforcing your main argument more succinctly.
task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single clear idea. This will enhance the clarity of your message and help to maintain the reader's interest.
task achievement
You have successfully addressed the task by discussing both problems and solutions related to achieving work-life balance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly sets the context, and the conclusion attempts to provide closure.
task achievement
You have identified some key issues related to work-life balance, such as technological influences and social media, which are relevant to the topic.
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