In many countries, more and more women have full-time jobs as men. There is a logic that they should share the housework equally with men. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

A lot of
women
have full-time jobs like
men
in a lot of regions so they
also
share the
housework
with
men
at the same level. In
this
essay, I will talk about the
resons
Correct your spelling
reasons
why I totally agree with it. First
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
all, the responsibility of
doning houseworks
Correct your spelling
doing housework
is equally between
men
and
women
. A lot of
men
believe that
women
,
such
as their mother and wife, need to do all
housework
Correct article usage
the housework
show examples
and they
also
leave home and earn money but it is wrong because
housework
is for the whole family so all family
members
should do it, like cleaning the floor and throwing the rubbish, together. To be honest, it can improve the family relationship and the
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
of each family
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
.
Men
would believe that they do lots of
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
home and feel great and happy and
women
would think that all family
members
do their best so they could feel
relized
Correct your spelling
realised
and comfortable. That
also
means if
women
and
men
share
housework
with each other equally and fair, their relationship would become better and better.
Second,
women
are
bussy
Correct your spelling
busy
show examples
and do not have enough time to do the
housework
regularly. We all know that a full-time
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
means they need to work at
lease
Correct your spelling
least
show examples
8 hours in about 5 days so they would be tired. Recently,
women
stared
Correct your spelling
started
show examples
to find
a full-time jobs
Correct the article-noun agreement
a full-time job
full-time jobs
show examples
and they need to work a long time
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. If a woman
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
to work
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
8 hours and do the
housework
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
, she would be very third so ow can shedone it
pefectly
Correct your spelling
perfectly
and daily. It is too hard for her so why not try to share the
housework
with every family
members
Fix the agreement mistake
member
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
To sum up
, I believe that sharing
housework
is
a
Change the article
an
show examples
execellent
Correct your spelling
excellent
idea
nowaday
Correct your spelling
nowadays
show examples
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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task achievement
Aim to expand and develop the main ideas with specific examples or additional points. For instance, discuss more about the challenges faced by women in balancing work and housework, and offer more examples to reinforce the argument.
coherence cohesion
Improve the use of linking words to enhance fluency and ensure the essay flows more logically from one point to the next. Words like 'however,' 'therefore,' and 'in addition' can serve this purpose.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic from the start, which is maintained throughout the writing.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay includes a proper introduction and conclusion, which enhances readability.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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