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Band 3.5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( e.g working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children ). To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #e #g #charity #neighborhood #sports #children
The majority of
people
 agree that unpaid service should be promoted
a
Change preposition
as a
show examples
compulsory part of high school programs.
However
, it is
very
Add an article
a very
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 important topic for students in high school. It is important to provide
such
kind
Fix the agreement mistake
kinds
show examples
 of programmes, especially in high schools. Because, approximately, at
these
Change the determiner
this age
these ages
show examples
age
Add a comma
age,
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 the main worldview is being built.
Whereas
 some
people
 think it wastes student's time, I totally disagree with them. One of the main things of
unpaid
Correct article usage
an unpaid
show examples
 community is charity. Nobody knows in which situation you could be in some years or even days.
That is
 why charity work can connect you with other
people
 from all over the world. So, it is very important to take the initiative in charity by helping
people
 with different stuff.
To conclude
, unpaid service should be
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a part of compulsory high school programmes. It makes
people
 more friendly and leads to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
great support
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 each other.
Submitted by strogiy2008 on

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coherence and cohesion
Enhance transition usage between paragraphs to improve the flow of ideas.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your arguments clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Effective introduction and conclusion that provide a clear stance on the topic.
task achievement
Addresses multiple perspectives on the topic.
coherence and cohesion
Good logical structure that guides the reader through your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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