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Band 5.5

Some people believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other at work, at school and in daily life. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #work #school #life
To begin
 with the relevance of
this
 statement, It is quite common
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
 our society. Actually, my position is characterized by agreement and disagreement in
this
 area. I will justify
this
 with examples of teamwork in different companies and just between each other. First of all,
people
 should try to cooperate more with each other because of many valuable reasons. If humans really do
this
, they will understand other
people
 better.
This
 factor is really important nowadays.
Accordingly
, the quality of the work done together will be much higher.
Moreover
, we will get rid of the rivalry.
Conflicts
 caused by
compering
Correct your spelling
comparing
show examples
aganist
Correct your spelling
against
 each other will disappear.
This
 will affect the mood of all the
people
 in the team. It will become more comfortable to do your job.
For example
, it will definitely have an effective effect on the quality of the product if we are talking about working in a company. The absence of
conflicts
 contributes to the improvement of morale in the team. But in fact, the
competiton
Correct your spelling
competition
 is not always something awful and terrible. It does not always bring chaos and discord.
People
 can compete with each other without hurting each other. it will be useful to extract something new from the competition and analyze not only your own actions
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 the actions of a competitor.
Besides
, humans cannot do without
conflicts
. Competition is an integral part of our lives. So if there are no disputes and disagreements,
then
 the problem that has arisen will definitely not be solved. To
illistrurate
Correct your spelling
illustrate
, many large companies in the world can compete to sell a product. if
this
 competition disappears,
then
 the quality of
this
 product will disappear. Personally, I agree and disagree
between
Change preposition
with
show examples
 these opinions. There are a lot of reasons for
this
such
 as disagreements in companies and just
conflicts
 between,
for example
, two friends. It can be concluded that
conflicts
 are necessary, but sometimes we can do without them.
Submitted by oanastasia974 on

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task achievement
Ensure that your argument throughout the essay is clear and consistent. There seems to be some ambiguity in your stance, which may confuse readers.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will help illustrate your points more vividly and convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing the logical structure of your essay. Ensure each paragraph transitions seamlessly into the next with clear linking words and phrases.
coherence cohesion
Improve cohesion by ensuring that your ideas are organized in a logical order, helping readers to easily follow your line of thought.
coherence cohesion
You present an introduction and conclusion, which helps your essay's structure.
task achievement
Your essay has several thoughtful points discussing both cooperation and competition, showing a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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