IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that the main environment on problem for our time is to loss of particulare species of plans an animals. Others say that there are more important environmental problems. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

#people #environment #time #loss #particulare #species #plans #animals
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Losing particular species of animals or
plans
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plants
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 is a contentious
issue
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 debate,
whereas
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 some people think that the
extinction
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 of them is a major
environtment
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environmental
environment
 problem,
while
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 others reckon that there are other problems more crucial. I think
environtment
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environmental
 stability
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is
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affected by many factors not only
extinct
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the extinction
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 of animals or
plans
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plants
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 but
also
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 by human
activities
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.
Overall
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, the
extinction
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 of certain flora or
fauna
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give
Verb problem
has
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an
Correct the article-noun agreement
an impact
impacts
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impacts
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to
Change preposition
on
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 the
environtment
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environment
. the ecosystem will be disrupted if one species becomes extinct. Balancing of nature, either flora and
fauna
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 leading to
environtmental
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environmental
sustainibility
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sustainability
.
For example
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,
Africa
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African
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 rhinoceroses
has
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have
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 significant ecological
impacts
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 biodiversity maintenance.
Africa
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African
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 rhinoceroses
is
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are
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 herbivores, they help to control vegetation. In my opinion
consequently
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of
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apply
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loosing
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losing
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particulare
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particular
 species of plan or
fauna
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leading
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leads
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 to
environtmental
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environmental
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issue
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issues
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.
On the other hand
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, other important factors
caused
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are caused
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 by human
activities
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. Human
activities
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also
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playing
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play
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signigicant
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significant
impacts
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to
Change preposition
on
show examples
ecological
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an ecological
the ecological
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Use synonyms
issue
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issues
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 that threaten biodiversity, disrupt
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the ecosystem
an ecosystem
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ecosystem
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ecosystems
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 and
endenger
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endanger
endangered
 the planet's health. some of the significant issues created by
human
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humans
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 are pollution,deforestation, climate change, overfishing, and urbanization. To illustrate, as people now using cars and other vehicles day to
days
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day
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 can produce a lot of
emision
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emission
emotion
as a result
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to
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of
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 climate change. In conclusion, even though
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the
show examples
extinction
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 of certain
plans
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plants
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 or animals can
effect
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affect
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to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
ecological
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issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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,
however
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 those
not
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are not
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 the only
one
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apply
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factors, human
activities
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 have profound effects
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 ecological
problem
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problems
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. To state my opinion, the
extinction
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 of flora and
fauna
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give
Verb problem
is
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 the same proportion
with
Change preposition
as
show examples
 human
activities
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, Those two things
profound
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have profound
show examples
impacts
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 leading to
sustainability
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the sustainability
show examples
Use synonyms
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
.
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure by ensuring each point flows smoothly to the next. Try using transition words like 'however,' 'additionally,' or 'meanwhile' to connect ideas better.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise the organization of your essay to strengthen the introduction and conclusion. Make sure each paragraph introduces and concludes your main points clearly.
Task Achievement
Include more specific examples and details to support your viewpoints, and ensure each example clearly relates to the point you're making.
Coherence and Cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which provides structure to your essay.
Task Achievement
You've considered both views on the topic, demonstrating complexity in your essay response.
Task Achievement
You provide relevant examples, like the one about African rhinoceroses, which enrich your argument.
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