Goverments investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Goverments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

In every country on the earth, there is disagreement around the topic of legal
funds
. With regard to
this
topic, few consider legal bodies ought to
spent
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spend
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
all the money on local facilities rather than spending on arts. I totally disagree with
this
opinion and provide some grounds
from
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for
show examples
this
contend
Correct your spelling
content
show examples
.
To begin
with, there is no doubt arts bring several substantial things to
human's
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human
show examples
life. Primarily,
art
like music and painting give job
opportunites
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opportunities
; many folks depend upon
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it
show examples
for their daily bread and butter.
Likewise
, many individuals
choice
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choose
show examples
art
as
theri
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their
passion and profession and do excellent growth.
As a result
, it
assist
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assists
show examples
to grow
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in growing
show examples
the economy of the nations.
For example
, a recent survey conducted by Times News of India indicates that
artiest
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artists
show examples
paying
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pay
show examples
10% more taxes than small
labours
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labourers
show examples
in Mumbai city.
Additionally
, if bureaucracy totally stops
to allocate
Verb problem
apply
show examples
funds
to
art
Correct article usage
the art
show examples
industry;
hence
many
artist
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artists
show examples
will
deter
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be deterred from
show examples
working
,.
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,
.
show examples
Partially, many people will be jobless and will become
burden
Add an article
a burden
show examples
on taxpayers.
Moreover
,
artist
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the artist
show examples
industries
is
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are
show examples
ways of entertainment. The
mojority
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majority
of people
likes
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like
show examples
to watch
T.V
Correct your spelling
TV
and
listen
Add the preposition
listen to
show examples
music after work load which
help
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helps
show examples
them
to get
Verb problem
apply
show examples
unwind from work life. If there
will be
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is
show examples
less entertainment people will
bore
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be bored
show examples
at home and it will
leads
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lead
show examples
to many serious health-related
problem
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problems
show examples
. In a nutshell,
although
public service is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
paramount for the development of any nation, taking
way
Correct your spelling
away
show examples
all the
art
funds
is not a feasible solution. Authority should
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
wisely before allocating the
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
funds
.
Submitted by taniamall786 on

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task response
Clarify your stance in the introduction. The essay states 'I totally disagree,' but providing a brief rationale will strengthen your position.
task response
Ensure arguments are developed fully. Some points are mentioned without sufficient expansion or examples.
coherence cohesion
Improve grammatical accuracy. There are several minor English errors that occasionally obscure meaning, e.g., 'artiest' instead of 'artists' and 'thing' instead of 'think'.
task response
The essay effectively addresses both sides of the argument, although it disagrees with the statement.
task response
Examples such as the survey in Mumbai City help to substantiate claims.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow and separation of ideas into clear paragraphs, aiding comprehension for the reader.

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