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Band 5.5

Write about the following topic: Studying with a group of students in a classroom is more beneficial than learning online at home. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topic #group #students #classroom #home
Some people
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
show examples
 that learning in a group with classmates would be more beneficial than studying through online courses remotely. I strongly agree with the statement since having different people share unique experiences and
knowledges
Change the wording
knowledge
pieces of knowledge
bits of knowledge
show examples
 allow
deeper
Add an article
a deeper
show examples
 understanding of the teaching.
In addition
, remote learning often
caused
Wrong verb form
causes
show examples
students
 to be distracted by other entertainments which studying with groups of
students
 would prevent. Hearing different opinions shared by peers similar to you allowed better learning than learning passively individually at home. Lectures were often long and tedious,
students
 may feel bored or distracted
thus
 not absorbing
knowledge
Correct article usage
the knowledge
show examples
 taught by the teachers. If there were opposing opinions or
further
 inquiries presented by your peers, it may grab the attention of classmates
thus
 making it easier to remember the information given after their interjection. If one is alone in a room, the lecture would continue without any interjections
thus
 the
students
 would
remained
Change the verb form
remain
show examples
 bored
aand
Correct your spelling
and
 not learn anything after the courses.
Furthermore
,
students
 would be more distracted by other entertainment during remote learning than classroom learning. As knowledge
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 provided passively by the teachers,
students
 may opt to play video games or scroll social media
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a different screen without the teachers noticing.
This
 would cause the student to not learn in class. In my experience during COVID-19, it was significantly harder to concentrate
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 learning since I could just split screen and play video games on my computer.
However
Add a comma
However,
show examples
 during
face to face
Add a hyphen
face-to-face
show examples
 lectures, I could concentrate better and learn more without any
distraction
Fix the agreement mistake
distractions
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly agree with the statement that
students
 would learn better in groups in
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
a classroom
show examples
 than remotely online in their home.
This
 is
due to
better
Add an article
a better
show examples
 understanding of the information given by providing opposing opinions and
inquires
Replace the word
inquiries
show examples
 and
due to
 less distraction given by easily accessible gadgets.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence & Cohesion
The essay can benefit from more structured arguments and smoother transitions between ideas. Try to use signal words and phrases to clearly delineate between supporting points and examples.
Task Achievement
To improve, add more varied and detailed examples to strengthen your arguments and further illustrate your points.
Introduction
The introduction clearly states your position on the topic and provides a brief overview of the reasons supporting it.
Task Achievement
You use personal experience effectively to support your point about distractions in online learning, which adds credibility and relatability to your argument.
Conclusion
The essay provides a clear conclusion that summarizes the main points and reiterates the position taken.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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