People nowadays sleep less than they used to be in the past. What do you think is the reason behind this? What are the effect on individuals and people around them?
As the expanse of modernisation is overhauling each sphere of life, the dynamics of sleep have altered too. These days number of sleeping hours decreased drastically compared to bygone days. A myriad of ostensible factors are accountable for
this
scenario, and this
trend is leading towards multitude
of besmirch Add an article
a multitude
the multitude
consequenses
.
Tacitly, the predominant factors that evidently triggered it can be observed. First and foremost, in regards to Correct your spelling
consequences
fulfil
the Change the verb form
fulfilling
drems
of having updated gadgets and comforts directly increased the working duration which results Correct your spelling
dreams
into
decreased resting time. Change preposition
in
Besides
this
, innovation
of mobile phones and laptops plays Correct article usage
the innovation
vital
role in keeping people up in their beds. To clarify, when one starts watching something new on their devices it is hard to distract Add an article
a vital
theirselves
Correct your spelling
themselves
in other words
suspense of the activity keeps people from sleeping. To illustrate, a survey conducted by the United States Census Bureau over a group of 2000 people revealed that 35% of these members prefferd
to stay awake to finish the activity Correct your spelling
preferred
instead
of being asleep.
Nevertheless
, there are plethora
of inevitable results of Add an article
a plethora
this
scenario. To embark
with, sleeplessness leads to Verb problem
begin
aggitation
, anxiety, and Correct your spelling
agitation
uncomfort
which results Correct your spelling
discomfort
into
altered relations and work ethics. To go deeper, fights among family members Change preposition
in
increases
Correct subject-verb agreement
increase
which
one of the Correct word choice
and
member
is restless and unable to compare right and wrong Fix the agreement mistake
members
decision
. To Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
examplify
, Mr Benjamin Bradlee, editor of The Washington Post in his editorial Correct your spelling
exemplify
of
family destructions Change preposition
on
reveled
that 70% of the family members are suffering from insomnia either Correct your spelling
revealed
due to
their work conditions of
their society status that they need to maintain by staying awake.
Correct your spelling
or
To conclude
, it can be said that although
, multifarious reasons to support for
having not enough sleep, the direful effect of Change preposition
apply
this
can not be neglectedSubmitted by smanureet on
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coherence cohesion
Consider organizing your ideas more systematically and ensure that each paragraph supports the main thesis clearly and logically. Use cohesive devices effectively to create a smooth flow between paragraphs.
task achievement
Although you have addressed the main points of the task, try to provide more detailed and specific examples to illustrate your arguments comprehensively.
language grammar
Work on correcting minor grammatical and spelling errors to enhance clarity. For example, 'besmirch consequenses' should be 'negative consequences', and 'aggitation' should be 'agitation'.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion on modern sleep patterns and their implications.
task achievement
You have identified and addressed the task components by discussing why people sleep less and its effects on individuals and society.
supporting evidence
Your use of surveys and articles to support your points enhances the credibility of your arguments.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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