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Band 5

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes ( for example working for a charity, improving the neighbour or teaching sports to younger children). To what extent do you agree or disagree. Give reasons for your answer and Include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience.

#people #community #service #part #school #programmes #charity #neighbour #sports #children
Community
services
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 become
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 debatable topic of discussion in recent years.It is essential for the welfare of
society
.A lot of
people
 argue that
community
services
(
such
 as working for
charity
,improving the
neighbour
Fix the agreement mistake
neighbours
show examples
 or teaching sports to younger children).I absolutely concur with
this
 statement.In the following paragraphs, I will discuss why
this
 is important.
Firstly
,It encourages
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 sense of
scrifice
Correct your spelling
sacrifice
 among the
people
 who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 to lead the
society
 in the near future .Students in high school are going to disperse in various
walk
Fix the agreement mistake
walks
show examples
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life in few a years,They should be taught to develop the sensations of selflessness in order to render their
services
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the
community
.
For example
, the countries
who
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
 teach
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
charity
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
very
Correct article usage
a very
show examples
 little age
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have more
people
 with the spirit of nationalism they
priortise
Correct your spelling
prioritise
 the welfare of
society
 than their personal benefits that
impacts
Change the verb form
impact
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 in
Correct article usage
a remarable
show examples
remarable
Correct your spelling
remarkable
remarkably
 positive way.
Furthermore
, It enables the youth to find their hidden talent.If a student is interested and sports and he is given the opportunity and platforms to play in its school
then
 he can perform better than a sportsman who trained himself after the school.
Therefore
,schools should organise
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports
event
Fix the agreement mistake
events
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 younger age to bring up the players who are meant to be
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
.
Lastly
 ,
Although
 a lot of
people
beileve
Correct your spelling
believe
 that students should focus on their professional subjects ,I believe that teaching
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
community
services
 helps them to learn what are the real problems in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and how their
professional
Fix the agreement mistake
professionals
show examples
 can contribute to
eradicate
Change the verb form
eradicating
show examples
 these issues .They identify the co-relation and
then
 strive their best to eliminate the issue. In conclusion ,
community
services
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 vital part of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
education.If the kids are given the training for the
charity
 they try to implement
in
Correct pronoun usage
it in
show examples
 their lives and
participates
Correct subject-verb agreement
participate
show examples
to solve
Change preposition
in solving
show examples
 the problems.
For example
,If doctors are taught
charity
then
 after becoming
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
doctors mostly they allocate their time every
weak
Correct your spelling
week
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 running
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clinic that
treat
Change the verb form
treats
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor patients for free.When these
toughts
Correct your spelling
thoughts
 dominate the
society
 It improves the social culture substantially.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines the main points you will discuss in the essay to provide a clear roadmap for the reader.
logical structure
Develop a more logical progression of ideas within paragraphs, with clear topic sentences and supporting details.
relevant specific examples
Include more varied and specific examples to illustrate your points, enhancing the relevance and impact of your argument.
complete response
Address potential counterarguments more explicitly to strengthen your position and demonstrate a nuanced understanding of the topic.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on improving the grammatical accuracy and variety of sentence structures to enhance the clarity of your writing.
complete response
The essay discusses the importance of community service in schools and provides a supportive argument with multiple perspectives.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are clearly present and effectively frame the discussion on community service.
logical structure
You use connectives and transitional phrases effectively to connect your ideas and arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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