It is observed that in many countries not enough students are choosing to study science as a subject. What are the causes? And what will be the effects on society? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

In today's society, most pupils encourage themselves to choose to study based on their abilities and refer to their dream job. Nowadays, many
students
lack interest in studying
science
for several reasons, which will bring a side effect to today's era. On the one hand, there are many reasons why not many
students
take
science
as their main
subject
because
science
is one of the hardest knowledge to learn. To become an expert,
students
have to push themselves to study harder and take a long period to achieve.
For example
, to become a specialized doctor,
students
have to take a formal education for at least eight years, which does not guarantee them a bright future with a high income.
Furthermore
,
on the other hand
, another argument
students
prefer not to take
science
as a
subject
is because of financial issues.
While
learning
science
encourages hard work, it
also
needs to acquire a lot of money.
In contrast
, if the
students
choose to learn another
subject
,
such
as hospitality or related to business, they can save almost half of their expenses if they try to become doctors
for example
. For illustration,
in addition
, to taking a master's degree to become an expert, most business
students
prefer to start their own businesses to double their income faster. Decreasing proportions of
students
choosing
science
as their
subject
might have a negative effect on society,
for example
in Germany they have limited doctors to work in the hospital because the people choose to open their personal jobs. In conclusion,
however
, not enough
students
taking sciences might affect lack of expertise in
science
subjects, I strongly believe the impact of studying
others
Fix the agreement mistake
other subjects
show examples
subject
would provide more value and benefit for the
students
,
such
as preventing themselves from stress and saving money more to start their own businesses.
Submitted by yannn on

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task response
To improve task response, ensure that all parts of the question are addressed thoroughly. You did well in identifying causes and effects, but you could explore the effects on society in more depth.
coherence
Your essay would benefit from a tighter logical structure. Make sure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next with clear transitions.
coherence
To enhance coherence, try using more varied linking words and phrases to connect ideas effectively throughout your essay.
coherence
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and help frame your discussion well.
task response
You provided relevant examples to support your main points, which strengthens your argument.
coherence
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering, Math)
  • Perception of difficulty
  • Early exposure
  • Engaging experiences
  • Career opportunities
  • Practical applications
  • Financial constraints
  • Cultural norms
  • Critical fields
  • Innovation
  • Economic development
  • Global competitiveness
  • Public health
  • Environmental issues
  • Scientific progress
  • Educational standards
  • Biodiversity loss
  • Healthcare services
  • Medical research
  • Job prospects
  • Research and technology
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