At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situtation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situtation

National demographic patterns are different from each other. Some nations have

relatively

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a relatively

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larger proportion of young generations than that of older ones. In

this

essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I think its benefits prevail over the drawbacks. On the one hand, one of the cogent advantages is that these countries have sufficient workforce.

Thus

, they can encourage domestic enterprises to settle

Change preposition

in more

show examples

factories

while

they can

also

invite international corporations to launch their business. In doing so, they will achieve

strong

Correct article usage

a strong

show examples

impetus to improve their economy.

For instance

, China has attained

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

significant economic growth by capitalising on

their

Correct pronoun usage

its

show examples

internal workforce.

Additionally

, they will not have to pay more attention to secure budgets

Change preposition

for

show examples

issues arising from older generations. As the financial burdens for young adults become fewer, they can spend more money for their own purposes.

In contrast

, countries where older people outnumber youngsters, suffer establishing revenue sources to issues related to aged citizens.

However

larger

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a larger

the larger

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percentage of younger generations sometimes brings several drawbacks. The most significant one is that it is increasingly difficult for young adults to obtain their ideal jobs. Since some popular professions become excessively competitive, some of them cannot obtain their desired jobs, resulting in high frustration among them. In conclusion,

although

relatively

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a relatively

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higher chunk of younger citizens causes some drawbacks including the difficulty of obtaining an ideal job, it

also

brings positives

such

as having

considerable

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a considerable

show examples

workforce and fewer financial burdens to support old citizens.

Therefore

, I believe that it is more beneficial, and each household is encouraged to have more than two or three children.

Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on Tue Oct 22 2024

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Task Achievement

Although the essay effectively addresses the task, including advantages and disadvantages, try to balance the discussion by giving equal weight to both sides. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding.

Coherence and Cohesion

To maintain coherence, be cautious of abrupt topic shifts within paragraphs. Consider using transition words or phrases to smoothly guide readers from one point to the next. This will help maintain a logical flow.

Introduction and Conclusion

The introduction clearly outlines the essay’s intent, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments, providing a unified ending.

Task Achievement

Effective use of a real-world example (China) to illustrate the point about economic growth driven by a youthful workforce.

Coherence and Cohesion

Logical structure is maintained with each paragraph addressing distinct points related to the essay topic, making it easier to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

264 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situtation outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Some people say that in all levels of education, from primary schools to universities, too much time is spent on learning facts and enough on learning practical skills, Do you agree or disagree?

A lot of money is spent nowadays searching for oil. As the world's oil resources will eventually run out, it would be more logical to spend some of this money on developing new sources of power, such as wind and solar.

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?