At the present time, the population of some countries includes relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situtation outweigh the disadvantages?
National demographic patterns are different from each other. Some nations have
relatively
larger proportion of young generations than that of older ones. In Add an article
a relatively
this
essay, I elaborate on the reasons why I think its benefits prevail over the drawbacks.
On the one hand, one of the cogent advantages is that these countries have sufficient workforce. Thus
, they can encourage domestic enterprises to settle more
factories Change preposition
in more
while
they can also
invite international corporations to launch their business. In doing so, they will achieve strong
impetus to improve their economy. Correct article usage
a strong
For instance
, China has attained a
significant economic growth by capitalising on Correct article usage
apply
their
internal workforce.
Correct pronoun usage
its
Additionally
, they will not have to pay more attention to secure budgets to
issues arising from older generations. As the financial burdens for young adults become fewer, they can spend more money for their own purposes. Change preposition
for
In contrast
, countries where older people outnumber youngsters, suffer establishing revenue sources to issues related to aged citizens.
However
, larger
percentage of younger generations sometimes brings several drawbacks. The most significant one is that it is increasingly difficult for young adults to obtain their ideal jobs. Since some popular professions become excessively competitive, some of them cannot obtain their desired jobs, resulting in high frustration among them.
In conclusion, Add an article
a larger
the larger
although
relatively
higher chunk of younger citizens causes some drawbacks including the difficulty of obtaining an ideal job, it Add an article
a relatively
also
brings positives such
as having considerable
workforce and fewer financial burdens to support old citizens. Add an article
a considerable
Therefore
, I believe that it is more beneficial, and each household is encouraged to have more than two or three children.Submitted by takuya13sugimoto on
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Task Achievement
Although the essay effectively addresses the task, including advantages and disadvantages, try to balance the discussion by giving equal weight to both sides. This will demonstrate a more comprehensive understanding.
Coherence and Cohesion
To maintain coherence, be cautious of abrupt topic shifts within paragraphs. Consider using transition words or phrases to smoothly guide readers from one point to the next. This will help maintain a logical flow.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction clearly outlines the essay’s intent, and the conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments, providing a unified ending.
Task Achievement
Effective use of a real-world example (China) to illustrate the point about economic growth driven by a youthful workforce.
Coherence and Cohesion
Logical structure is maintained with each paragraph addressing distinct points related to the essay topic, making it easier to follow the writer’s line of reasoning.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.