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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making relevant comparisons.

The bar chart shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and making relevant comparisons.
#bar #people #five #work #region #australia #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart compares information about the number of
Use synonyms
australians
Change the capitalization
Australians
show examples
 who were employed in five types of occupations, segmented into sales, accounting, computing, nursing and farming in 2001 and 2008. Looking from an
overall
Linking Words
 perspective, it is apparent that
Correct your spelling
Australians
ausralians
Add a verb
ausralians are
ausralians were
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 more engaged in
saling
Correct your spelling
selling
 in comparison with other jobs in both years.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the number of employed farmers in these two years
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 remarkably small.
To begin
Linking Words
 with 2001, around 160000
Australians
Use synonyms
 prioritized
saling
Correct your spelling
selling
 work
compare
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with other types of jobs.
Although
Linking Words
 sales
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 the first option for them, accounting, in stark contrast, was the second choice. In terms of the least popular career, farming was considered
due to
Linking Words
 its low number of people who were hired in
this
Linking Words
 job, around 20000. Moving to 2008,
there
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 is no secret that
Use synonyms
australians
Change the capitalization
Australians
show examples
 followed the same trend just
like
Change preposition
in
show examples
 2001;
hence
Linking Words
, the most popular job was sales, even
its
Correct word choice
though its
show examples
 popularity increased in
compare
Replace the word
comparison
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 with 2001.
Additionally
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
australians
Change the capitalization
Australians
show examples
 opted for computing, as a second
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
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 option. The same as before, 2001, work related to agriculture, was the
last
Linking Words
 option for them.
Considerning
Correct your spelling
Considering
,
Use synonyms
australians
Change the capitalization
Australians
show examples
 were
recuited
Correct your spelling
recruited
 even less than
2001
Change preposition
in 2001
show examples
.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words australians with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compares" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
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