These days people preder to watch live performances through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event

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Nowadays
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather
Verb problem
would prefer

There may be a verb use issue here.

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to watch performances
through
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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tv
Correct your spelling
TV

The word tv doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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or computer rather than go to the place of
event
Add an article
the event

The noun phrase event seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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. I agree
with
Change preposition
that

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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it is better to watch
events
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,shows,
concerts
Correct word choice
and concerts

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

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through
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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online or from
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer

The noun phrase computer seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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does
have
Wrong verb form
has

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have. Consider changing it.

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more benefits, the reason is it saves time and money, and most importantly it handles comfort, it is impossible to watch
events
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

laying
Correct your spelling
lying

The word laying doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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down or with pausing it,unlikely you cant watch
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

eating on the live
events
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

,
therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

watching it in computer makes more comfort
along with
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

plus for time management,
accordingly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it gives us more advantage for time management and financially.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,

It appears that you are missing a comma after the introductory phrase However in some cases. Consider adding a comma.

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it is widely important to go live
events
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

rather than watching
it
Correct pronoun usage
them

It seems that there is a pronoun problem here.

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in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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home,
in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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some point
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

need to go
concerts
Change preposition
to concerts

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
or shows with their friends or with
close
Add an article
a close

The noun phrase close person seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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person
Fix the agreement mistake
people

It seems that person may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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, the reason is
because
Replace the word
that

It appears that the conjunction because is the wrong word choice after reason is. Consider changing it to that or rewriting the sentence.

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it builds great memory and highlights which can make good memories
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout

The word through out seems to be miswritten. Consider replacing it.

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their lives, many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

doesn’t
likes
Change the verb form
like

It appears that the verb likes is incorrectly used with the helping verb does. Consider changing it to the base form.

show examples
to watch
events
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in real life because they think it might be expensive,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

it is expensive it does
gives
Change the verb form
give

It appears that the verb gives is incorrectly used with the helping verb does. Consider changing it to the base form.

show examples
vibe and feelings.
Although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

many
people
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

choose to watch shows online, mainly keeping
balance
Correct article usage
a balance

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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for both watching online and
in
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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live
have makes
Wrong verb form
made

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb have makes. Consider changing it.

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it good.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear separation between different points and arguments to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences, and use punctuation to separate different ideas for better clarity.
task achievement
Clearly state and support both sides of the argument with relevant examples or experiences.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both preferences for watching performances online and attending live events.
task achievement
The essay recognizes multiple benefits of watching performances online, such as time management and comfort.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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