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Writing Samples /
Band 3

These days people preder to watch live performances through tv or computer, online rather than go to the place of event

#people #preder #performances #tv #computer #place #event
Nowadays
people
rather
Verb problem
would prefer
show examples
 to watch performances
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
show examples
 or computer rather than go to the place of
event
Add an article
the event
show examples
. I agree
with
Change preposition
that
show examples
 it is better to watch
events
,shows,
concerts
Correct word choice
and concerts
show examples
through
Change preposition
apply
show examples
online or from
computer
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
 does
have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 more benefits, the reason is it saves time and money, and most importantly it handles comfort, it is impossible to watch
events
while
laying
Correct your spelling
lying
show examples
 down or with pausing it,unlikely you cant watch
while
 eating on the live
events
,
therefore
 watching it in computer makes more comfort
along with
 plus for time management,
accordingly
 it gives us more advantage for time management and financially.
However
 in some
cases
Add a comma
cases,
show examples
 it is widely important to go live
events
 rather than watching
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
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in
Change preposition
at
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 home,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 some point
people
 need to go
concerts
Change preposition
to concerts
show examples
 or shows with their friends or with
close
Add an article
a close
show examples
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
, the reason is
because
Replace the word
that
show examples
 it builds great memory and highlights which can make good memories
through out
Correct your spelling
throughout
show examples
 their lives, many
people
 doesn’t
likes
Change the verb form
like
show examples
 to watch
events
 in real life because they think it might be expensive,
although
 it is expensive it does
gives
Change the verb form
give
show examples
 vibe and feelings.
Although
 many
people
 choose to watch shows online, mainly keeping
balance
Correct article usage
a balance
show examples
 for both watching online and
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
live
have makes
Wrong verb form
made
show examples
 it good.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clear separation between different points and arguments to enhance logical flow.
coherence cohesion
Avoid run-on sentences, and use punctuation to separate different ideas for better clarity.
task achievement
Clearly state and support both sides of the argument with relevant examples or experiences.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to structure your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both preferences for watching performances online and attending live events.
task achievement
The essay recognizes multiple benefits of watching performances online, such as time management and comfort.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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