IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Should long-term job seekers in receipt of government benefits be made to do voluntary work so that they give something back to the community? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

There is no denying the fact that voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 could give us a sense of emotion and that significantly
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefits
show examples
benefit
Correct pronoun usage
benefit us
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that job seekers could
work
Use synonyms
 for free to give something back to the government and society. There is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In my
opinin
Correct your spelling
opinion
opinin'
, I consider that could lead a problems and circumstances so it's better to avoid that suggestion and I will clarify in
this
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 essay.
To begin
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 with, recently, many graduates
facing
Wrong verb form
have faced
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
challenging
momments
Correct your spelling
moments
moment
to find
Change preposition
in finding
show examples
 an appropriate job.
In other words
Linking Words
, the competition now is
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
high
Correct article usage
a high
show examples
 level, so there is no need to increase it.
In addition
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most companies looking for
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high skills and professional certificates.
For example
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,
The ielts
Correct your spelling
the IELTS
show examples
 exam
now
Add a missing verb
is now
show examples
is
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
demand
Change preposition
in demand
show examples
 in many companies around the world which is difficult to
achievable
Replace the word
achieve
show examples
 for some people. Another point to consider, forcing people to
work
Use synonyms
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a wrong idea which
lead
Change the verb form
leads
show examples
 to bad results. It is
also
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 possible to say that the employee who
Use synonyms
work
Change the verb form
works
show examples
 for voluntary
work
Use synonyms
, probably
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
do not have a
possion
Correct your spelling
passion
position
 or desire to
work
Use synonyms
 ,
therefore
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 poor quality.
Moreover
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,
this
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 will have a
nigatively
Correct your spelling
negative
negatively
 impact on communities.
For instance
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, the passion for any worker is money so, working as a
voluntary
Replace the word
volunteer
show examples
 may impact your performance
nigativly
Correct your spelling
negatively
. In conclusion, despite people having different views, I believe that
volunary
Correct your spelling
voluntary
work
Use synonyms
 is
Correct article usage
a faluable
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faluable
Correct your spelling
valuable
 emotion that could
causes
Change the verb form
cause
show examples
happy
Replace the word
happiness
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
, the demands today
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 high level and many graduates seek to find a job so it's better to
focusing
Change the form of the verb
focus
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
this
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 issue.

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general
Work on improving sentence structure and grammatical accuracy. Some repetitive errors affect clarity.
task achievement
Provide more specific and relevant examples to support your arguments.
task achievement
Ensure all ideas are fully developed and clearly expressed.
coherence cohesion
Use clear transitions between ideas to improve the logical structure of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that links to the main topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good frame for the arguments.
task achievement
The student presents a balanced view by considering multiple perspectives on the issue.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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