IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

‘It is important for foreigners to know something about the history and culture of the country they live in.’ Discuss. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the contemporary world of globalization, people are migrating to new destinations for better
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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 but do they need to learn about the heritage of a
country
Use synonyms
?
This
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 essay will discuss why it is important for
such
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 people to know about the
country
Use synonyms
 where they live. First of all, since foreigners need to adjust themselves to the new place, it is recommended to know about the nation's details
for example
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 its initial civilization, architecture, history etc.
Consequently
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, it will help them in exploring new destinations and accommodate them rapidly in the new environment.
For instance
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, if anyone moves to a new place
due to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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work for
long
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the long
a long
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 term, they may potentially feel
homesickness
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homesick
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, to avoid
such
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 feeling, it is always better to keep themselves indulged and the best way to do
is
Correct pronoun usage
this is
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 to explore the
country
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.
Secondly
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,
although
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 most countries are
delightful
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delighted
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 to have people from outside their
country
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, foreigners should learn about its cultures and norms
while
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 living in it.
In addition
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, it is necessary to make sure not to hurt residents, by doing something that
maybe
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may be
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 right for you but not for them.
For example
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, in Iran,
majority
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the majority
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 of individuals go through two months of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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mourning because of some historical events. If someone plays
a loud music
Remove the article
loud music
a piece of loud music
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 or
throw
Correct subject-verb agreement
throws
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 a party
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of them, they will likely not appreciate it.
Thus
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, it is better to understand the society a person will be living in. To summarize, there are many challenges for foreigners to travel
at
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to
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 a new place and live
whereas
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 most of them can be solved through knowing about
Use synonyms
country's
Correct article usage
the country's
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 history, culture etc
such
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 as
feeling
Add an article
the feeling
a feeling
show examples
 of leaving behind home or adjusting to a new society.

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task achievement
Clarify your main arguments by making them more distinct. Each paragraph should focus on one clear point regarding why it's important for foreigners to understand the history and culture of their new country.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical connections between ideas to enhance coherence. Use linking words such as 'therefore', 'furthermore', and 'however' more effectively to show the relationship between ideas.
task achievement
Develop your ideas further. Spend more time exploring each of your points in detail, providing more specific examples or theoretical cases to support your claims.
coherence cohesion
The introduction outlines the essay's focus well, stating a clear position on the topic.
task achievement
Provides relevant examples that help support the main ideas, such as the Iran culture example, which adds depth to the text.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and logical organization overall, with introduction and conclusion present.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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