IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others argue that living in cities is more beneficial. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #countryside #cities
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Upbringing
Add an article
The upbringing
show examples
 of a child is
very
Add an article
a very
the very
show examples
 sensitive issue
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
show examples
. Parents should take into account a
lot
Use synonyms
 of factors
while
Linking Words
 choosing the place for
upbringing
Add an article
the upbringing
show examples
 of a child.
Although
Linking Words
 ,many
people
Use synonyms
 argue that
village
Correct article usage
a village
show examples
 is
suitable
Add an article
a suitable
the suitable
show examples
 place for that
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I absolutely disagree with
this
Linking Words
. .
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
In the following
paragraphs
Add a comma
paragraphs,
show examples
 I will discuss the point of view of both types of
people
Use synonyms
 and will try to describe how it is eventually important to prefer
cities
Use synonyms
 over
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is often asserted that rural life is remarkably clean and calm. It is believed that
people
Use synonyms
 residing in the countryside are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
show examples
 simple .In comparison to
cities
Use synonyms
 crime rate is substantially less. For
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
instances
Add a comma
instances,
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of surveys have proved that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 are more safe than
cities
Use synonyms
.
Climate
Add an article
The climate
show examples
 is potentially clean and free from the smoke of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heavy traffic.
However
Linking Words
 ,if the villages have
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
certain facilities
then
Linking Words
 it would be more safe,
clean
Correct word choice
cleaner
show examples
 and
pure
Correct word choice
purer
show examples
 choice to live
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, there is another group of
people
Use synonyms
 who think that
cities
Use synonyms
 are
better
Add an article
a better
the better
show examples
 option.
Cities
Use synonyms
 have all the necessary
thing
Fix the agreement mistake
things
show examples
 for the growth of
child
Change the noun form
children
show examples
such
Linking Words
 as
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
,Hospitals and
variety
Correct article usage
a variety
show examples
recreational
Change preposition
of recreational
show examples
 spots. For
intstance
Correct your spelling
instance
,It has been observed that if children are brought up in
cities
Use synonyms
 they would enjoy all the facilities of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life that in turn would make them more confident in the later years of the age.
Moreover
Linking Words
, there are better opportunities in
cities
Use synonyms
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
buisness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 that would enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents to take care of their kids in a perfect environment. In conclusion, I think that
cities
Use synonyms
 should be preferred over the villages. Urban areas have a
lot
Use synonyms
 of schools and health care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 which are basics
need
Wrong verb form
needed
show examples
 for a kid. A
lot
Use synonyms
 of recreational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
show examples
 are there for the games and healthy
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
show examples
. A few drawbacks are
also
Linking Words
 associated with city life but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the advantages outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the disadvantages.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more structured presentation. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Explore each point in more detail with explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Although relevant examples are provided, ensure they are integrated seamlessly into your narrative. Clarify your examples and their significance to your argument.
Task Achievement
You have successfully included both viewpoints and your personal perspective on the issue, which addresses the task requirement effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which supports the cohesiveness of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your initial stance is clearly stated, showing your ability to articulate your opinion from the outset.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: