IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that it is better for children to grow up in the countryside, while others argue that living in cities is more beneficial. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #children #countryside #cities
Upbringing
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The upbringing
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 of a child is
very
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a very
the very
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 sensitive issue
now a days
Correct the word
nowadays
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. Parents should take into account a
lot
 of factors
while
 choosing the place for
upbringing
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the upbringing
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 of a child.
Although
 ,many
people
 argue that
village
Correct article usage
a village
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 is
suitable
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a suitable
the suitable
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 place for that
but
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apply
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I absolutely disagree with
this
. .
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.
...
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In the following
paragraphs
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paragraphs,
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 I will discuss the point of view of both types of
people
 and will try to describe how it is eventually important to prefer
cities
 over
countryside
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the countryside
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.
Firstly
, it is often asserted that rural life is remarkably clean and calm. It is believed that
people
 residing in the countryside are
quiet
Correct your spelling
quite
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 simple .In comparison to
cities
 crime rate is substantially less. For
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
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instances
Add a comma
instances,
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 a
lot
 of surveys have proved that
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
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 are more safe than
cities
.
Climate
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The climate
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 is potentially clean and free from the smoke of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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heavy traffic.
However
 ,if the villages have
the
Correct article usage
apply
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certain facilities
then
 it would be more safe,
clean
Correct word choice
cleaner
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 and
pure
Correct word choice
purer
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 choice to live
on
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in
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.
On the contrary
, there is another group of
people
 who think that
cities
 are
better
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a better
the better
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 option.
Cities
 have all the necessary
thing
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things
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 for the growth of
child
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children
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such
 as
school
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schools
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,Hospitals and
variety
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a variety
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recreational
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of recreational
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 spots. For
intstance
Correct your spelling
instance
,It has been observed that if children are brought up in
cities
 they would enjoy all the facilities of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life that in turn would make them more confident in the later years of the age.
Moreover
, there are better opportunities in
cities
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 and
buisness
Correct your spelling
businesses
 that would enable
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
parents to take care of their kids in a perfect environment. In conclusion, I think that
cities
 should be preferred over the villages. Urban areas have a
lot
 of schools and health care
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 which are basics
need
Wrong verb form
needed
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 for a kid. A
lot
 of recreational
centers
Change the spelling
centres
show examples
 and
park
Fix the agreement mistake
parks
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 are there for the games and healthy
routine
Fix the agreement mistake
routines
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. A few drawbacks are
also
 associated with city life but in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
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 the advantages outweigh
than
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the disadvantages.
Submitted by shehzadarshad976 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a clearer and more structured presentation. Ensure that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, maintaining a logical flow throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
Try to develop your ideas more comprehensively. Explore each point in more detail with explanations or examples to strengthen your argument.
Task Achievement
Although relevant examples are provided, ensure they are integrated seamlessly into your narrative. Clarify your examples and their significance to your argument.
Task Achievement
You have successfully included both viewpoints and your personal perspective on the issue, which addresses the task requirement effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay is structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, which supports the cohesiveness of your writing.
Task Achievement
Your initial stance is clearly stated, showing your ability to articulate your opinion from the outset.

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