Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.
The small proportion of
children
surfing on their mobile phones for a long period of time. Presumably, this
happen
because of the digitalization. Change the verb form
happens
Furthermore
, I believe that this
kind of practice is more negative as is
Correct your spelling
it
cause
mental Replace the word
causes
health
issues despite the fact that children
can learn new languages which is positive
development.
To Add an article
a positive
be begin
with, there are various reasons that cause technology addiction among Change the verb form
begin
children
, yet, the primary reason is the increasing digitalization. In today’s era, most of the activities shifted to digital technologies and it is must
to spend some time on mobile phones, laptops, and computers. Correct article usage
a must
For example
, communication become online these day
so Change the determiner
this day
these days
young
generation Correct article usage
the young
use
smartphones in order to socialize with their friends.
On the one hand, there positive side of Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
this
evolution as youngsters may learn new skills. There are various language apps available for free of charge in order to acknowledge new language. To examplify
, Correct your spelling
exemplify
Duolingo
app is widely used by Correct article usage
the Duolingo
young
proportion of Add an article
a young
population
where they can learn Correct article usage
the population
language
, enhance their vocabulary and develop Add an article
the language
a language
spekaing
skills by Correct your spelling
speaking
communication
Replace the word
communicating
native
speakers. Change preposition
with native
On the other hand
, the excessive use of digital technologies may cause mental health
problems such
as aggression. There is
plenty of videos and games which have Correct subject-verb agreement
are
influence
on their mental Add an article
an influence
health
and develop aggressiveness. Unfortunately, parents cannot control the content that appears on social platforms. To examplify
, during 2018-2019, the game Blue Kit Correct your spelling
explain
becom epopular
among schoolchildren which drive their Correct your spelling
became popular
aggressivness
by asking them strange Correct your spelling
aggressiveness
aggressive
question
. Fix the agreement mistake
questions
As a result
, parents argued about the behavior
of their Change the spelling
behaviour
children
.
In conclusion, high-tech devices create a lot of opportunities in
learning new Change preposition
for
languagesfor
Correct your spelling
languages for
languages
humanbeings
because of the Correct your spelling
human beings
raising
digitalisation. Correct your spelling
rising
Nevertheless
, it has negative
impact on Add an article
a negative
mental
Add an article
the mental
health
of young users by developing an
aggressive Remove the article
apply
behavior
.Change the spelling
behaviour
Submitted by abdukhasanova16 on
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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and that this idea is clearly linked to the essay question. Occasionally, the essay jumps between points without a clear transition, which can dilute the impact of your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction is clear, but the thesis statement can be more concise. Summarize your position earlier to set a strong foundation for the essay.
Task Achievement
While you have included examples in the essay, make sure that all examples directly support the argument being made. Some examples may feel slightly tangential to the main point, which can confuse the reader.
Task Achievement
Try to expand on the idea of how learning new skills and languages can be beneficial, contrasting it more sharply with the negative impact on mental health.
Task Achievement
You have effectively identified two major issues related to children's use of smartphones: digitalization and its dual effects on learning and mental health.
Coherence and Cohesion
The structure includes an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, providing a framework for your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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