IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that governments should spend more money on improving public transportation, while others believe it is better to invest in building new roads. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #governments #money #transportation #roads
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"Some major advantages of allocating more investments to develop communal transportation are,
firstly
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, reduces the need
of buying
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to buy
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 more cars which
in
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apply
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result, lowers the rates of traffic making people's lives flow much quicker and easier.
Secondly
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,
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 cars not only
mean
Correct subject-verb agreement
means
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eliminates
Wrong verb form
eliminating
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 congestion, but it
also
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 reduces the high amounts of car smoke
that is
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 the main reason for air pollution,
therefore
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 helping the environment.
For instance
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, a recent study conducted in Japan found that when the government replaced
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individual cars
by
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with
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 trains, metros, and subways it
led to ease
Verb problem
eased
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citizens
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citizens'
citizen's
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 quality lives by arriving
to
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at
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 their occupations on time.
also
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, lower rates of global warming. All in all, it is crucial to fund more economic
assist
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assistance
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 to develop transportation to simplify locals lives and protect the environment."
Submitted by miss batool on

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coherence cohesion
Consider splitting your ideas into separate paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that introduces the main idea. For example, discuss the advantages of public transportation in one paragraph and the impact on pollution in another.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion is missing. Consider summarizing the main points discussed and clearly stating your opinion on the issue.
task achievement
Ensure that each point you make is clearly explained and developed. For example, explain how improving public transportation could specifically lead to environmental benefits.
task achievement
You provide a relevant example of Japan's investment in public transportation, supporting your argument with factual information.
coherence cohesion
Your reasons for supporting public transportation over road building are clear and logical, effectively supporting your main argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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