IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many criminals reoffened after they have been punished. Why do some people contribute to commit crimes after they have been punished, and What measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

#criminals #people #crimes #measures
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Punishments are proven to be the resolution and the realisation for criminals.
However
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, there are some criminals who still commit
offence
Fix the agreement mistake
offences
show examples
 even after getting punished. There
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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can be numerous reasons for
this
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 behaviour like developing
fearless
Correct article usage
a fearless
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 and careless kind of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
attitude which can be discussed in upcoming paragraphs with some methods to resolve
this
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 issue.
Although
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 many offenders get retributed for their doings. But
still
Add a comma
still,
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 some of the offenders repeat their mistakes and keep doing something
that is
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 wrong
according to
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 law and society. The reason for
this
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 can be that
people
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 are afraid of the results or the consequences.
For instance
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, If a man
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
 robbery and gets punished yet again that man is found doing robbery or pickpocketing.
Therefore
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, it can be seen that fearlessness and carelessness kind of attitude is really bad and can influence
people
Use synonyms
 to commit crimes
one
Change preposition
against one
show examples
after
Change preposition
apply
show examples
another. There are
lot
Correct article usage
a lot
show examples
 of measures around the world to handle it so that the culprit
do
Change the verb form
does
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 not have
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 option of doing it again.
For example
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, imposing huge fines and
penalities
Correct your spelling
penalties
show examples
 with long Jail sentences with very less
chances
Fix the agreement mistake
chance
show examples
 of getting out,
untill
Correct your spelling
until
 the punishment is over. That can prove to be scary
enogh
Correct your spelling
enough
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to go against the law next time and will drop the number of reoffenders.
To conclude
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, it is possible that
culprit
Correct article usage
the culprit
show examples
 may get more confidence for doing more unacceptable things in future even after getting punished.
Hence
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, more strict laws and high
penalities
Correct your spelling
penalties
show examples
 can be quite beneficial for creating fear in
minds
Correct article usage
the minds
show examples
 of the
people
Use synonyms
 to stop them
for
Change preposition
from
show examples
commiting
Correct your spelling
committing
 any crime.
Submitted by preetsimran0123 on

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coherence cohesion
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coherence cohesion
Good structure with a clear introduction and conclusion present.
task achievement
The essay presents a generally good response to the task.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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