IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some modern artist receive huge sums of money for the things they create while others struggle to survive Governments should take steps to resolve this unfair situation To what extent do you agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Several of today's
artworks
Use synonyms
 make a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
 from their
artworks
Use synonyms
.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some people in the society deal with financial problems.
While
Linking Words
 it is argued that the
Government
Use synonyms
 should address
this
Linking Words
 problem, I firmly agree that any part of society is responsible for their career and income.
Firstly
Linking Words
, I acknowledge that working as an artist does not seem to involve physical and mental strains and
also
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 does not appear to be a highly demanding job compared with nursing or working in mines.
However
Linking Words
, the issue is that
artworks
Use synonyms
 need a lot of materials and equipment which could be utterly pricy. Other occupations might not have special equipment which needs to be provided by workers. I think
artists
Use synonyms
 tend to sell their products
for
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high expense to not only earn
money
Use synonyms
 for their needs and life but
also
Linking Words
 buy raw materials for creating their works.
Secondly
Linking Words
, certain art workers have limitations in the number of
artworks
Use synonyms
due to
Linking Words
 the
time
Use synonyms
.
In other words
Linking Words
, it is undeniable that creating an artwork may
last
Linking Words
 for a long
time
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, many
artists
Use synonyms
 should allocate a considerable amount of
time
Use synonyms
 to creating just one work.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, many
artists
Use synonyms
 work do not have support from the
Government
Use synonyms
 and
on the other hand
Linking Words
, they should make
money
Use synonyms
 on their own since many of them do not have fixed salaries. I think it is fair that
artworks
Use synonyms
 would be expensive
due to
Linking Words
 their
time
Use synonyms
-consuming and lack of support from the
Government
Use synonyms
 for their owners. All being said, It is argued that it is not fair that
artists
Use synonyms
 earn a large amount of
money
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 many individuals have crucial problems with financial issues .
Although
Linking Words
 the
government
Use synonyms
 is said to be responsible for implementing strategies to tackle
this
Linking Words
 problem, I wholeheartedly believe that artist allocates
money
Use synonyms
 and
time
Use synonyms
 to produce limited creatures and as they do not have fixed wedge and formal support from authorities, it would be fair to sell their works expensively.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. Mention particular artists, artworks, or countries to make your arguments more concrete.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve sentence structure in certain places to enhance clarity. For example, the phrase 'Other occupations might not have special equipment which needs to be provided by workers' could be rephrased for better flow.
task achievement
Ensure your arguments directly address the prompt. For instance, consider explaining how government intervention could potentially balance the disparity between successful and struggling artists more thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
You make several strong points about the financial demands and nature of artistic work.
coherence cohesion
You've provided a logical connection between artists' expenses and the pricing of their artworks.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic disparity
  • Market demand
  • Public visibility
  • Artistic merit
  • Equitable distribution
  • Government intervention
  • Free market
  • Bureaucratic complications
  • Social and economic inequalities
  • Targeted government assistance
  • Wider reforms
  • Commercial viability
  • Niche audiences
  • Financial rewards
  • Systemic issues
What to do next:
Look at other essays: