IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Task 2: Some people think young people should follow the traditions of their society. Others think that they should be free to behave as individuals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #traditions #society #individuals
Some
people
 say that teenagers should do whatever they like and behave to demonstrate themselves for the time being. I agree up to a point with the view that in spite of the positive benefits, it still has opposite influences which affect young
people
. So they must
also
 pay attention to traditional, polite manners in the speech and the act. On the one hand, living in an environment of freedom can help adolescents stay true to themselves. In the US, citizens live in the Democratic party, which prioritizes individual liberty. Young
people
 can express their personalities by wearing every style they want, and nobody cares.
In addition
,
people
 who live with freedom are always open-minded. In countries in Europe, families do not have strict manners.
Consequently
,
people
 can have a comfortable
life
.
On the other hand
, young
people
 should not live too indulgently. Some adolescents have the wrong understanding between an indulgent
life
 and a free
life
. They think living with their hobbies and doing everything they like
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 freedom.
However
, they must abate in some specific situations and places.
For example
, when going to solemn places
such
 as temples, and pagodas,
people
 must be polite and wear suitable clothes.
Secondly
, when having a conversation with older
people
, young
people
 should use honorific language to show respect. In conclusion, adolescents can have a comfortable
life
 by doing and acting things they love.
In contrast
, they must choose the right situations and places to do it and follow some traditional laws in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
Submitted by dohuyhoang on

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relevant specific examples
Elaborate further on the examples used to make them more relevant and specific to the argument. For instance, detailing why freedom in style choices leads to open-mindedness could strengthen your examples.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that ideas are clearly explained and developed throughout. While the main points are present, deeper exploration and clarity in explaining some ideas can enhance comprehensiveness.
complete response
The essay presents a balanced discussion of both views, which shows a clear understanding of the task.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has distinct and organized paragraphs with a clear introduction and conclusion, aiding coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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