In the developed world, average life expectency is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society ? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging population.

#world #life #expectency #individuals #society #measures #impact #population

The average life expectancy of

people

is increasing. It causes

financial

Add an article

a financial

show examples

burden on the government to look after the old

people

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

and increases the responsibilities of the

people

to take care of their parents. When

people

have an increased average life expectancy, it causes a huge financial burden on the state. The state

have

Change the verb form

has

show examples

to allocate a huge amount of money to serve the old

people

. It includes their specialized food, treatment facilities, nursing, and

entertainmant

Correct your spelling

entertainment

Moreover

people

are responsible

to take

Change preposition

for taking

show examples

care of their old parents. Sometimes it is challenging for them to take care of their old parents because of their busy

schedule

Fix the agreement mistake

schedules

show examples

As a result

, old

people

suffer from

neglegence

Correct your spelling

neglect

, loneliness, physical and mental ailments and so on.

Submitted by rahman_rehana on Wed Oct 23 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Ensure to include a more comprehensive introduction that outlines the main points you will cover in the essay, and a conclusion that summarises the key points and offers a final insight or opinion.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or case studies to illustrate your points. Discuss possible measures to mitigate the problems of aging population as prompted in the task.

coherence cohesion

Clarify the logical flow by explicitly stating how one point leads to another, enhancing the coherence between sentences and paragraphs.

task achievement

The essay addresses the task of discussing problems an aging population poses to society and individuals.

task achievement

The essay identifies key issues such as financial burdens on the government and increased responsibilities for individuals.

task achievement

Points raised are supported with plausible and relevant reasoning, contributing to a clear understanding of the issues.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!

Do you want to check your IELTS essays?

Submit unlimited essays, letters and charts. Sign up right now and start improving your writing skills.

2Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

2 paragraphs

121 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some countries , students live with their family while studying at a university . In other countries ,students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending outweigh the disadvantages ?
In some parts of the world, while many students opt for living with their families while following tertiary education, some of them have decided to pursue education in another city. From my standpoint, I believe that one major challenge to this phenomenon, namely financial matters will be exceeded by some apparent merits it offers. Admittedly, students who take a university degree in another region are more likely to deal with financial constraints. Obviously, unlike individuals who study in their hometown where they receive better care from their parents, those students have to allocate budgets viably for living expenses. In other words, a plethora of factors such as accommodation, daily meals and recreational activities make up for a large amount of their expenditures, so people who do not have a solid financial background can find it a daunting task to continue following their studies. Notwithstanding the aforementioned notion, I am of the opinion that some benefits associated wi...
7
band
In many countries, people do not recycle waste materials, such as bottles and newspapers. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem
Recycling materials, namely as glass, plastic and cartons, is an important practice that helps to reduce our impact on the environment. Many folks across the world, however, do not recycle their waste and send everything to landfill. In this essay, I will Interpret why this might be the case and how the aforementioned problem can be alleviated.
4.5
band
Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Health is a basic right that every human should have. Thus, every government always have some of their budget to provide an adequate medical treatment. Be that as it may, however, there is an opinion that a country must also have a big proportion of its fund for health education and prevention measures rather than only for medical treatment. I strongly agree that such strategy will be the best step to improve health quality since it can minimizes the higher cost needed for treatment in the next future as well as be a generational cure for a disease. This essay will shed some light on this issue and the writer's point of view.
4.5
band
Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?
It is argued that prices of sugary products should be increased in order to prevent people getting health problems. This essay completely agrees with this statement because by increasing the price of high sugar products, these will not be profitable for the consumers, also individuals will be aware of how harmful these products are.
5
band
Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?
In this state-of-the-art era, the development of technology can be useful and harmful, connecting and dividing. This advancement has influenced the conventional ways of working because people are able to work from everywhere. This essay will elaborate on the merits and demerits of such development and show how the negative points outweigh the positive ones.

In the developed world, average life expectency is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society ? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of aging population.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries , students live with their family while studying at a university . In other countries ,students attend university in another city. Do you think the advantages of living away from family home while attending outweigh the disadvantages ?

In many countries, people do not recycle waste materials, such as bottles and newspapers. What are the reasons for this? What could be done to solve this problem

Out of a country’s health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and prevention measures. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar; which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?