In many countries, the government spends a large amount of money on the arts. Some people agree with this. However, others think the government should spend more on healthcare and education. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion
In some nations, investment has become a momentous decision between
arts
or healthcare
and education
. This
essay will explain both perspectives and why I believe that allocating the government's budget on
Change preposition
to
healthcare
and education
brings up more benefits especially
for society.
On the Add the comma(s)
, especially
first
hand, Correct word choice
other
arts
are extremely crucial which
are directly related to country culture. Correct word choice
and
Therefore
, authorities are spending money
to develop arts
since this
can also
save tradition. However
, some arts
do not require money
for the
improvement, Correct article usage
apply
such
as Music. Particularly, creativity is necessary for becoming a musician owing to the difference in personality of a musician. In addition
, arts
are freedom and it is updated everyday
, so if a country pays Replace the word
every day
money
for this
field, as a result
, this
expenditure can be a waste of money
.
On the other hand
, healthcare
and education
are two of the most essential things for the development of a country. So, financing on
Change preposition
in
this
field is a judicious decision of the government which provides advantages on
children's future and resident’s health. To be more specific, the dedication of Change preposition
for
money
on
Change preposition
to
education
might increase the quality of school programs, so students will have more chances to access better education
. Moreover
, funding on
Change preposition
for
healthcare
such
as the construction of new hospitals or the addition of modern medical facilities may improve public health.
In conclusion, although
there is a group of people who trust that the government's budget should take part in art, staking in education
and healthcare
being
more beneficial. In short, purchasing for the development of the latter is more considerable.Wrong verb form
is
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task achievement
Your essay provides a balanced consideration of both perspectives, which is good. However, to improve the task achievement score, it would be beneficial to present more specific examples supporting each side of the argument. Clear and specific examples help to strengthen your argument and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The coherence and cohesion in your essay are generally strong, with a logical structure and clear progression of ideas. However, a few places could benefit from smoother transitions or additional linking words to enhance the flow of ideas. Consider adding phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs more fluidly.
introduction conclusion present
You have effectively introduced the topic and provided a conclusion that reflects the essence of your argument. This helps in maintaining a structured approach.
logical structure
The logical structure of your essay is commendable as it presents both views systematically before offering your opinion. This logical progression aids in understanding your viewpoint clearly.
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