IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some young people like to copy the behaviour and clothes of famous people today. Why might this be the case? What problems can it cause?

Nowadays,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
want
Correct subject-verb agreement
wants
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 to live
such
Linking Words
 as their
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and influencers. They are trying to be them in many ways. One of the common details of
this
Linking Words
 is to act like them and wear the same
styleof
Correct your spelling
style of
 clothes.
This
Linking Words
 essay will argue why young
people
Use synonyms
 like to copy them and what problems it
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
. Teenagers like famous
people
Use synonyms
 as they want to be closer through these actions and to be in trend
amoung
Correct your spelling
among
 youth. It leads to
lose
Wrong verb form
losing
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuality and
decrease the self-estiment
Replace the word
decreasing self-esteem
show examples
. One important reason why
people
Use synonyms
 like to copy famous
people
Use synonyms
 is that by
these
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
actions
Replace the word
acting
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 like to act as them and
wear
Wrong verb form
wearing
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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similar clothes make
them
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
closer
Verb problem
become closer
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 to their
favourates
Correct your spelling
favourites
.
As a result
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, they think that they become closer to their lifestyle and make
connection
Fix the agreement mistake
connections
show examples
 with each other. It
called
Verb problem
is called
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 over-identify with their idols. It
starts&nbsp
Correct your spelling
starts
;
Punctuation problem
apply
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 from
Verb problem
being interesting
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interesting
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interested
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to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their life, and
develop
Correct subject-verb agreement
develops
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 to be like them.
In addition
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, many
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 and influencers create
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
new trends
such
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 as dance
movement
Fix the agreement mistake
movements
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 or wearing some type of clothes that become popular
in
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on
show examples
 social
medias
Fix the agreement mistake
media
show examples
.
Young
Correct article usage
The young
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 generation
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend by doing it.
For example
Linking Words
, when
celebrity
Correct article usage
a celebrity
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 went to an event and wore the dress, it became
trend
Correct article usage
a trend
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 online
platform
Fix the agreement mistake
platforms
show examples
. Peels saw
this
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,
try
Wrong verb form
and tried
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 to wear it. 
Subsequently
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, it can
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several problems. The main drawback is that teenagers lose their individuality.
Adolescense
Correct your spelling
Adolescence
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is a time when young
people
Use synonyms
 learn more about themselves and
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 their personality.
By
Change preposition
With
show examples
influence
Correct article usage
the influence
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 of famous
people
Use synonyms
 is getting harder to identify who they
are
Punctuation problem
are,
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 as they do not understand what they want from themselves.
Also
Linking Words
, it leads to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
self-estimate
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
. Youth start to compare themselves with
celebraties
Correct your spelling
celebrities
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they do not like their physical features and
starts
Correct subject-verb agreement
start
show examples
 to develop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
stress.
This
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 is very dangerous
in
Change preposition
at
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 their age.
For instance
Linking Words
, the most common situation when
teenager
Fix the agreement mistake
teenagers
show examples
 compare
Correct pronoun usage
their face
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face
Fix the agreement mistake
faces
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 with the models. They forget that having skin with
achne
Correct your spelling
acne
 is
normal
Punctuation problem
normal,
show examples
 as it is
usual
Correct article usage
a usual
show examples
 situation in their age. In conclusion, young
people
Use synonyms
 like to copy them as they want to be closer
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their idols and to be in trends. Meanwhile
being
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
over
Replace the word
overly
show examples
 concentrated
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their idols
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
decrease
Correct article usage
a decrease
show examples
 in
self-estimate
Use the right word
self-esteem
show examples
 and stress. 

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task
The answer does not fully meet the task. It needs a clear plan that shows two main ideas for why teens copy celebs and two clear problems. Add a short, direct intro and a short conclusion that rest the key idea.
coherence
Make each idea go to a new paragraph. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple link words like 'also', 'but', 'so', 'for example' to connect ideas.
grammar
Fix big grammar and spell errors. Use shorter, simple sentences. Check verb form and noun plural (eg, 'are' vs 'is', 'teenager' vs 'teenagers').
vocabulary
Choose simple words you know well. Do not use hard or fancy words. This helps you keep errors low and ideas clear.
content
The essay tries to answer both parts of the question.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, body and a end.
idea
You show some good links to trends and real talk about how teens copy actions.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • role models
  • aspire
  • influenced by
  • lifestyle
  • fashion choices
  • social media
  • visibility
  • accessible
  • desirable
  • followers
  • endorsements
  • marketing campaigns
  • trendsetters
  • peer pressure
  • conformity
  • emulate
  • experiment
  • identity
  • express themselves
  • admire
What to do next:
Look at other essays: