As compared to the past, people spend more years in school and enter the workforce much later in life. Describe some of the problems entering the workforce later in life can cause and suggest at least one possible solution.

In recent
years
,
students
have spent more
years
in schools compared to the
students
in the past,
additionally
, today's
students
enter the work industry that they are interested in much later in life. Joining the workforce later after so many
years
of study creates some issues socially and financially.
Students
go to university to pursue the education they desire,
moreover
, they are expecting to find a job they have been dreaming about for the past 3 or 4
years
of their study after graduation. But in today's age, many of them find it difficult to get employed after finishing school, because companies and employers look for someone who has several
years
of
experience
which lowers the chances of employability for the young.
For example
, in the US 80% of university graduates can't find a job because of their age and lack of
experience
.
Furthermore
, since education costs more these days, these people are stuck in student debt which is expected to get covered after getting hired, but it takes
years
in many professional fields to start earning a great salary.
For instance
, in the tech field, you might need 15
years
of
experience
to earn around 45000 shekel a month, but the starting salary can be around 5000 shekel a month. So starting young can help you financially in the future when you get older. Another thing is, in my country, it's popular to get married young, perhaps at 23 or 24
years
old. But in order to do so, you might need a job to provide for your partner,
consequently
, joining your industry late can postpone your chance of getting married as well. One solution is, that companies should have more flexibility and loosen their regulations for hiring younger workers. Because they don't know what they are capable of and they might be impressed because they understand today's trends better than older workers. Another solution is, that universities should offer their
students
the opportunity to be included in a professional
experience
.
Such
as in the UK,
students
can choose to work in their field for a year, which helps them learn from others in the industry and gain insights.
Additionally
, it can help in building their CV when applying for jobs. In conclusion, organisations must give a chance to the youth and education institutions should try to give as many chances as possible to make companies chase you.
Submitted by shadaataria1 on

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure that all key points are fully explained and linked to the main question. Your essay provides good examples, but further elaboration on how these examples directly relate to the problems of late workforce entry would strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For coherence and cohesion, focus on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use transitional words or phrases to link sentences and paragraphs for better flow, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively without repetition.
task achievement
Relevant and specific examples, such as the use of statistics about university graduates in the US, enhance the essay's credibility and illustrate the points well.

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