IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries, woman no longer feel the need to get married. Some people believe that this is because woman are able to earn their own income and therefore do not require the financial security that marriage can bring. To what extent do you agree?

In
this
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 contemporary era, it has become a common trend for
women
Use synonyms
 to stay bachelors for their entire
life
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. They do not feel a need to get married when they become financially stable. In my opinion, Marriage and financial independence both play a vital role in everybody's
life
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.
To begin
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 with, the first and foremost reason to
support
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 my viewpoint is emotional
support
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. For the body's well-being, people need mental and emotional
support
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 from none other than their loved ones. To enjoy every moment of
life
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, money can not buy happiness, being married is a golden phase of
life
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. With our partner,
women
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 can share their thoughts, ideas and so on to grow more. The second reason why
women
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 do not feel a need to get married is because of the financial security they achieve. Nowadays,
Women
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 are more focused on their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
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 and they
seem
Correct your spelling
see
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 marriage
like
Change preposition
as
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 a burden as they believe that if they can run their households,
Correct word choice
and business
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business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
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by
Change preposition
on
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 their own
then
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 why
mens
Correct your spelling
men
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 are so important
.
Change the punctuation
?
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To sum up
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 , emotional
support
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 and financial stability both
plays
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play
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 a crucial role and it depends on
person's
Correct article usage
a person's
show examples
 choice as well but I believe that marriage is
also
Linking Words
 important
alonside
Correct your spelling
alongside
 the job to spend
rest
Correct article usage
the rest
show examples
 of
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life
Replace the word
live
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cherishably
Correct your spelling
cherishable
.

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task achievement
To enhance your task response, include more specific examples and evidence to support your argument. This will make your points more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Your essay could benefit from clearer and more varied transitional phrases to improve flow between ideas.
task achievement
Consider elaborating on how financial independence specifically impacts the decision not to marry, providing more depth to your analysis.
introduction conclusion
You have a solid introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your main argument well.
supported main points
The essay covers relevant ideas about both emotional support and financial independence.
clear comprehensive ideas
Your overall argument is clear, you effectively communicate your position on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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