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Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

In modern world, it is no longer necessary to use animals for food, clothing, or medicine. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your own experience.

#world #animals #food #medicine
Human beings have exploited various
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 species for their
benefits
Fix the agreement mistake
benefit
show examples
. Some individuals consider that in
contemporary
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the contemporary
show examples
 world, humans do not require
others
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 species for medicines,
clothes
 and food. Upcoming writing will discuss that microorganisms are used to make
medicinces
Correct your spelling
medicines
medicine
,
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
show examples
 food can be grown in the fields and
clothes
 can be made by using various fabrics. Nowadays, most of the scientists use microorganisms to conduct their experiments to cure different diseases.
Whereas
, in past most of the researches were carried
on
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out on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
living beings.
For example
, vaccination for the
corona virus
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coronavirus
show examples
 was developed by doing research on the
bacterias
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bacteria
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.
Hence
, researchers carry out their experiments on the one-celled organisms. All the nutrients and minerals required for
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 healthy body can be obtained by
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
plant based
Add a hyphen
plant-based
show examples
 diet. In recent times
production
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the production
show examples
 of the crops
have
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has
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 exceeded by using
mordern
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modern
 technology which has reduced
dependancy
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dependency
dependence
 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
meat.
Hence
, eating
vegetarian
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a vegetarian
show examples
 diet can keep an individual healthy.
Moreover
,
advancement
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advancements
show examples
 in the industries have made the
artifical
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artificial
 fabric
afordable
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affordable
 for the common person.
As most
Correct word choice
Most
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clothes
 like cotton, silk,
nylon
Correct word choice
and nylon
show examples
 can be made in factories to make
clothes
 and their production
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 spiked
due to
Correct article usage
the industrial
show examples
industrial revolution
Correct your spelling
Industrial Revolution
show examples
. In
nutshell
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
, medicine, food production and
clothes
the
Add a missing verb
are the
show examples
 basic requirements of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans
can
Correct pronoun usage
that can
show examples
 be fulfilled by the use of modern
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
, reducing the
dependancy
Correct your spelling
dependency
dependence
 on other animals.
Submitted by simrantiwana1086 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that the main points are explicitly linked to the essay question. Including clear signposting within and between paragraphs can improve this connection.
Task Achievement
Expand further on the examples and arguments in each paragraph. Doing so will provide a more comprehensive look at the topic and increase your score for depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the argument well.
Task Achievement
The task is addressed with relevant points that relate to the use of animals in food, clothing, and medicine.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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