Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money.

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It is widely agreed that throughout the years a wide range of creatures have become extinct.

However

Linking Words

, some people don't want to invest their money in protecting animals, they tend to use funds to strengthen the army or economy of the country.

Nevertheless

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, I believe that losing a few million dollars is a small price to pay compared to

disappearance

Correct article usage

the disappearance

show examples

of large groups of living beings.

Firstly

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, human activities,

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

mining and

then

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using fossil fuels, urbanization,

getting

Correct word choice

and getting

show examples

rid of toxic waste by just releasing it

Change preposition

into

show examples

the environment have a significant impact on habitat loss. People’s greed has led to endangerment of species. Not only animals, but

also

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quality

Add an article

the quality

show examples

of our lives is impacted.

For instance

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, bees, that make plants give us food, are going to be extinct, unless we take immediate

actions

Fix the agreement mistake

action

show examples

Secondly

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, society has a lot of greener and safer alternatives to substitute our actions.

For example

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, we can use renewable energy, like solar panels and wind turbines, to generate energy.

Moreover

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, private companies ought to install special filters in their factories to reduce pollution. Citizens can

also

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join different campaigns; whose goal is to rescue endangered species all over the globe.

On the other hand

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, governments have many issues to deal with nowadays and they can’t concentrate only on saving creatures.

However

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, they should remember that tackling ecological

problem

Fix the agreement mistake

problems

show examples

is one of the main goals.

To conclude

Linking Words

, all:

politics

Replace the word

politicians

show examples

, private companies and civil citizens should understand what

consequences

Correct article usage

the consequences

show examples

will be if we do not start saving animals.

Therefore

Linking Words

, the price can be pretty big.

Submitted by leshchynser on Thu Oct 24 2024

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task achievement

Provide more specific examples to support your main points. This can help illustrate your arguments more clearly.

task achievement

Ensure that your points are always well-supported by relevant details or examples, even if broad agreements about the impact of human activities are understood.

coherence cohesion

While your essay has a clear structure, try to more explicitly link your main points with cohesive devices or short phrases that make relationships between ideas clearer.

coherence cohesion

Focus on more developed paragraphing to help guide your reader logically through your argument.

task achievement

The essay provides a clear stance on the issue, offering personal insight into the importance of protecting endangered species.

coherence cohesion

The introduction effectively sets up the discussion points for the rest of the essay.

coherence cohesion

The conclusion reinforces the importance of collaborative efforts across different sectors of society to tackle the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

5 paragraphs

259 words

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Some people think that more money should be spent on protecting endangered species while others think it is a waste of valuable money.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Some people prefer to live in a house, while others feel that there are more advantages to living in an apartment. Are there more advantages than disavdantages to living in a house compared with living in an apaartment?

n some places young people find it difficult to communicate with older people why is this what are the solutions

It's thought by many people that the internet has caused people to become more isolated from society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

In many countries, the tradition of families living together is disappearing. What are the reasons for this trend? What are the effects on the family and society as a whole? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some areas of US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are companied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?