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Writing Samples
Band 5

Computers are being used more and more in education. Some say that thus is a positive trend while others argue that it is leading to negative consequences. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.

#computers #education #say #trend #consequences
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Following technological advancement,
computers
Change the noun form
computer
show examples
 usage is surging unexpectedly in
educational
Add an article
the educational
show examples
 field.
Linking Words
Such that
Correct quantifier usage
That
show examples
 it is becoming
debateable
Correct your spelling
debatable
, whether it brings more advantageous or disadvantageous results. There can be many positive and negative outcomes like more
advance
Replace the word
advanced
show examples
 education from all over
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 and
lose
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loss
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 of actual mental
abilites
Correct your spelling
abilities
 respectively. In the following paragraphs, these will be
discuessed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 with my opinion
at the end
Linking Words
. First of all, some positive things that can be obtained from the technological
use
Use synonyms
 of the computer is that these can be quite useful in getting
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
high quality
Add a hyphen
high-quality
show examples
 education anywhere in the world from all around different countries.
For instance
Linking Words
, one person in
less
Correct article usage
a less
show examples
 developed area can get lessons for the study from a country like Canada. That means it is not significant to be present at
particular
Add an article
a particular
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 place or travel far away places for better learning.
Hence
Linking Words
 it can be said,
computers
Correct word choice
that computers
show examples
 can be
beneficial
Add an article
a beneficial
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 and easy way for people to learn
around
Change preposition
about
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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distinct
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
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 of
world
Add an article
the world
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some loopholes are the reason computers have not yet taken high place all over learning places and
school
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schools
show examples
.
As more
Change preposition
More
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of laptops can actually
afftect
Correct your spelling
affect
 human mental ability in
negative
Change the article
a negative
show examples
 way.
For example
Linking Words
, people can actually start using
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 for not only cheating purposes but a way more that there are chances human can begin to
use
Use synonyms
Correct pronoun usage
their brain
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brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
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 less
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 clearly
indicate
Correct subject-verb agreement
indicates
show examples
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 of thinking abilities and mental skills.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is visible
,
Correct word choice
that, high
show examples
high
Correct article usage
the high
show examples
use
Use synonyms
 of laptops can
truely afftect
Correct your spelling
truly affect
 human brain activity.
Linking Words
At
Change the preposition
In
show examples
 the end, I believe that
it
Add a verb
it is
it was
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 okay
Use synonyms
use
Fix the infinitive
to use
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new
Correct article usage
a new
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 electronic brain for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human development but it should be kept in mind that excessive
use
Use synonyms
 of these can actually bring a lot of
lose
Replace the word
loss
show examples
 and cons to human life. So it is recommended to
use
Use synonyms
 electronics in limited
use
Use synonyms
 so that
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
use
Use synonyms
do
Correct subject-verb agreement
does
show examples
 not become destructive to mass.
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task achievement
The essay presents a complete response to the task, but some points could be developed more thoroughly to enhance depth. Make sure to fully address both positive and negative consequences, providing balanced discussion for each side.
task achievement
The ideas presented are understandable, but there are instances where the expression could be clearer. Consider rephrasing and simplifying some sentences to improve clarity.
task achievement
Examples are relevant but could be more specific and detailed to strengthen arguments. For instance, mention specific technologies or platforms aiding education.
coherence cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas can be improved for better flow. Try using linking words and phrases to connect paragraphs smoothly.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay well. Ensure the conclusion summarises key points effectively without introducing new information.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with more evidence and reasoning to increase the persuasive power of the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction sets the stage for the discussion and presents a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
A conclusion is effectively drawn, reiterating the importance of balance in using technology for educational purposes.
task achievement
Identifies and discusses both the positive and negative aspects of computer usage in education, showcasing a balanced view of the topic.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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